


Bound in Love

by SpiritualBahar



Category: Alice in Chains, Audioslave (Band), Chris Cornell - Fandom, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden (Band), Temple of the Dog (Band)
Genre: 90's Music, Addiction, Depression, Drama, Drama & Romance, Erotica, Established Relationship, F/M, Fame, Fanfiction, Friendship, Love, Marriage, Musicians, Rock Stars, Romance, Seattle, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:53:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29756448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritualBahar/pseuds/SpiritualBahar
Summary: Seattle's movement was thriving and in the 90's bands from town took on the world.With fame, other problems were brought into their nest.Chris and Ellie were not immune to it and neither was her best friend Brenda who was in love with Jerry Cantrell.Love is what bounds people together  and yet everything seems to fall apart.This is a story about survival and how love can persist and survive all that seems wrong.Love heals. Love unites. Love survives.
Relationships: Chris Cornell/Original Female Character
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

1991

It was just another rainy day in Seattle. The earthly wet scent invaded her nose as she crossed her path into the park. The ground carpeted with leaves that fell from the trees in red tones or yellow. A scratchy sound as her boots stepped on the leaves. One of her hands shoved in the pockets of her rain coat and another holding the yellow umbrella she carried. Her lips opened on a smile as she remembered how he used to make fun of it and at the same time tears invaded her eyes. 

Ellie took her hand of her pocket and quickly began to clean the salty water of her eyes. She didn’t want to cry anymore. She had enough of crying, but a low sob escaped her throat as she was trying to hold her emotions inside.

“Oh fuck…” She whispered and she stopped under a tree to shelter a bit better from the rain as it started to fall stronger.

“I need to stop this.” She spoke to herself while she cleaned her eyes just to find them wet again the next second.

Thinking of him hurt. It hurt too much. It hurt more than she could have ever thought. When she broke up with him, she knew it was going to be hard but someone should have warned that it was unbearably hard. Since that day she has been trying to get her life back on track, but the void that he left was too big. They had been together for two years and they had collected so many memories together that he was impossible to forget. 

Seattle smelled of him. Seattle breathed him. Every corner of that city was a remembrance of their love. She had been unable to come back to the club where he confessed his feelings for her and where they shared their first kiss. She never came back to Brenda’s because he lived in a building near. The apartment they shared. She tried to avoid the Seattle Church of Christ because that’s where they got married. As the thought crawled in her mind, she grabbed the ring that was always with her. Never on her finger since they split, but always in a pocket of a piece of her clothing.

Ellie took it off the pocket of her rain coat and looked at it. It had been two months since she left the house. Two months that exact day and one since she knew she was expecting his child. He didn’t know… she hadn’t got the courage to tell him. How could she tell him? How would she come up to him and tell him she was pregnant? While handing him the papers for the divorce that none had yet filed for? Images of him kissing the damn girl came to her mind and Ellie groaned low at the back of her throat.

“He’s a bastard!” She then said. The ring was put back in her pocket and her tears dried that very moment.

Nothing like remembering the reason why she left to get her back on track. Ellie started walking again along the park. Brenda should be waiting for her at the Storyville. She could not go to her house, but Brenda would always come to visit her at her new apartment or they would meet somewhere around town. Nowhere where she could meet Chris though. The places she knew he frequented were forbidden places to her. Brenda and some other friends used to tell her how he asked about her and that broke her heart but she could not find the space in it to forgive him. She would have forgiven him anything but cheating. That was the one thing she would never forgive him and he knew it.

Ellie stopped walking near the streetlights and pressed the button so it would turn green for pedestrians and waited a few seconds. The rain had subsided a bit and she closed her umbrella, pulling only the hoodie of her rain coat over her head. She hung the umbrella on her arm and stuck both hands inside the pockets of her coat. She bent her head down, looking down at her feet as she crossed the street at that end of the afternoon. She was tired from drawing straight lines the entire day at the office, though it offered an amazing view to Bainbridge Island. 

As she got to the curb, she turned right and saw a sea of people coming in another direction. Sometimes center city could be overwhelming, but the Storyville was actually close to her work and an agreeable place. Ellie shivered as a gust of wind traversed her body and she wished she had a warmer coat. The days were getting colder as winter was approaching. Finally, she reached the Café’s door and pulled it opened. She was glad to see the fireplace was burning at the end of the room.

The Storyville was a cozy salon with walls covered in wood colors and terracotta couches with round wood tables in front of it. It might seem minimalist, but it actually gives you the sensation of being in your couch at home relaxing while having a coffee or something else that might indulge your soul. Ellie loved it there, precisely for the protective and intimate atmosphere.

“May I help you?” A young bartender came to receive her at the door, but she had already spotted Brenda waving franticly from the back of the room.

“That’s my friend.” Ellie smiled and pointed so the young man could witness her friend’s dorkiness.

“Please, go ahead.” He smiled politely.

“Thank you.” Ellie smiled and began to walk in Brenda’s direction.

“Hey!” She grinned when she got near her. Ellie took off her coat and put it on the couch together with her purse and umbrella. “How are you?” Ellie asked.

“I’m fine.” Brenda answered with her green eyes dancing in a mysterious way.

Ellie, who knew that since she came back to Seattle, curled an eyebrow. “What’s the matter?” She asked as she sat.

“I saw Chris this morning.” She dropped the news. 

Ellie felt her heart coming to a long pause. She could swear it stopped beating that very moment. Her gray eyes pierced on her friends’ and then she shook her head.

“I don’t care.” Ellie blurted regaining control of her emotions.

“That’s not true, El.” Brenda told her. “It’s not true at all. If you don’t care why do you avoid every possible place you might find him?”

“It doesn’t matter…” Ellie said looking away. 

She gazed at the street as tears had invaded her eyes. She missed him so much, sometimes she thought she’d go insane. Ellie took a deep breath to prevent her tears from falling and then looked back at her friend.

“How is he?” She didn’t resist to ask though.

“He is sad.” Brenda told her and that broke her heart. “He loves you, El.”

“A person who loves another does not cheat.” She said determined. 

“But you are pregnant!” She exclaimed. “He doesn’t even know! You must tell him…”

“I know…” Ellie breathed knowing Brenda was totally right on that part. 

She needed to let him know. She was just afraid to see him. She was afraid to look in his eyes and lose strength. She had left but she hadn’t filed for divorce and neither did he. They were still married. She still had feelings for him. She still loved him with all her heart and soul.

“Then, tell him already. It’s been a whole month since you know. You are way too late to tell him already. Ellie…” Brenda crossed her arms on the table and approached her. “Your belly is going to grow, soon it’s gonna be pretty clear that you are pregnant. You are ten weeks pregnant girl…” Brenda clapped her fingers in front of her Ellie’s eyes as if waking her up for reality. “It’s going to show…”

“I know all that!” Ellie raised her tone. “Don’t make me more nervous… I know I am on a deadline here to look for him and talk to him. I am trying to find courage. Do you think it’s going to be easy for me to look at him? Just to look…” She gulped there and her eyes became blurred. “I can’t…” Ellie shook her head. The tears she didn’t want to shed, fell down her cheek that time. “Oh, fuck this shit.” She cursed and cleaned her face fast.

“You two look miserable.” Brenda stated while grabbing Ellie’s hand for support.

“I thought time would heal but it doesn’t.” Ellie let her know. “This wound is just becoming bigger and bigger and I miss him… I miss him more and more every day… and I don’t let go… I can’t just let go…”

“Ellie…” Her friend whispered. “… being that sad won’t do any good to your baby. You don’t want to have a sad baby…” Ellie giggled there with her eyes filled with tears.

“Don’t be a dork.” She smiled, running her hands over her eyes once more.

“I do my best to cheer you up.” Brenda shrugged with her cheeky smile.

“Their new album is doing great from what I heard.” Ellie said.

“Have you heard it?” Brenda asked.

“Chris wrote many of that stuff at home…” Ellie said. “I heard most of it.”

“Talk to him, El” Her friend insisted. “You two need to sit and have a proper conversation.”

“Brenda, it’s not like I left the house in a rampant. I stayed for a while but I was not able to forgive him. Don’t put it like I haven’t listened to his explanation because I have. He explained many times… it just didn’t work out.”

“Excuse me…” A voice interrupted the two friends’ conversation. “Would you like to order?”

“Yes.” Ellie nodded. “I’d like a Chamomile tea, please.”

When the boy’s head turned to Brenda, she raised her cup of coffee. “I’m good.” She added and the boy nodded and went away.

“Ok…” Brenda turned to her again. “I get that and I won’t question you. But things changed. He is going to be a father. He is the father of the child you are carrying for Christ’s sake. He needs to know.”

“We never talked about having kids. Never… we had been married for a year. Chris is just twenty-seven! We are both so young… and the timing... oh my God…” Ellie began to rant. “This is all so complicated…”

“Still…” Brenda said. “Soon, he’ll be leaving on tour to promote this new album and what are you going to do?”

“I can’t let him go on tour without knowing about it!” Ellie exclaimed. “Let me…” She shook her head. “God… how I wish I wasn’t still in love with him…”

“You went to the doctor today. How was it?” Brenda decided to change the subject. 

Ellie smiled. “I did and everything is fine. The heart is beating really strong. It beats so fast…” She said enthusiastically and with a motherly love written in her eyes. “You can see the head and the arms and the legs… it’s so tiny though.”

“Is the sickness gone?”

“Thankfully!” She rolled her eyes. “I couldn’t stand the vomiting first thing in the morning. The doctor’s medicine was miraculous. I have been feeling sleepy though.”

“Do you want a boy or a girl?” Brenda asked.

Ellie shrugged. “I don’t have a preference. As long as it’s healthy. I am ok.”

“Names?”

Ellie put her eyes on the table. “I haven’t thought of any. I though… maybe… hum… Chris… would like to choose the name too.”

“Oh Ellie…” Brenda grabbed both her hands and gave it a light squeeze of support. 

She understood that what she was going through was not easy, but she knew it wasn’t easy for him either. She sees Chris quite often and he always looks so down and unhappy since Ellie left. Just like she does. Her friend lost the glitter in her eyes. She lost the sparkle in her smile. The only times some light comes back to her is when she talks about the baby. 

“How’s things with… what’s his name?” Ellie smiled.

“Oh my God…” Brenda almost yelled. “Ralph… he’s name is Ralph. I cannot believe you still don’t know my boyfriend’s name.”

“It must be the hormones.” Ellie laughed.

Brenda wanted to tell her that in that case Chris was pregnant too, for in the morning, she had to remind him of her boyfriend’s name too. They were a mess and none of them admitted it. Two stubborn souls that were so in love with one another and unable to exist separated.

“Things are good… pretty good actually.” She rephrased in the end.

“Define pretty good.” Ellie released a laughter. “pretty good and is yeah… good… or pretty good as in … wow…”

“As in wow.” Brenda told her with a huge smile on her face. “He is so amazing.”

“Is it now that I am going to your wedding?” Ellie joked. “Be your maid of honor…”

Brenda shrugged. Meanwhile, Ellie’s tea was brought. The scent of the Chamomile surrounded them both as the boy began to pour some in the cup. Then, he rested the small kettle on the table and put the cup of tea in front of her and Ellie gave him a bill to pay for it.

“Who knows?” Brenda said when the boy left. Ellie was holding her cup of tea and blowing it while hearing her. “We are great together. I won’t deny that. We have something good going on. We bond really well. Sex is great…”

“Be careful with sex.” Ellie joked. “Sex makes babies.” They both ended up laughing loud, yanking a scolded look from the old couple at the table next to theirs.

“How did you get pregnant Ellie? Do have any idea how it happened?”

Ellie smiled mischievously and nodded. “I know very well how it happened.” Brenda tapped her hand.

“Shut up!” She told her. “I don’t mean that. I don’t want details…” She laughed loud again.

“I forgot to take the pill.” Ellie told her. “All that mess had happened and we were trying to make things work and connect again… but it all the confusion and the constant fights and stuff I forgot to take the pill… I forgot it…”

“I assume Chris knows of that part.”

Ellie nodded. “Yes. We thought nothing was going to happen… you know once…”

“Once is enough.” Brenda stated.

“Oh really?” Ellie rolled her eyes. “I haven’t noticed it.”

“Look…” Brenda pointed outside. “It’s raining so much again.”

“God damn… It’s going to take me forever to get home.” Ellie complained. “The traffic is going to be insane.”

“Did you leave your car at the office?” Brenda asked her.

“Yes…” Ellie nodded and sipped on her tea. “I walked here. It’s near.”

“Are you done with your tea, Ellie?” Brenda asked. “I need to go. Ralph is waiting for me to have dinner.” She smiled in the end with her eyes dazzling with enthusiasm.

Ellie smiled. “You are living with him…”

Brenda rolled her eyes. “I am not… he stays sometimes…”

“Right.” Ellie said, giving a last sip on her cup, putting it down on the table and getting up. “Let’s go. I am done. I also need to rest.”

“It’s a lazy baby.” Brenda laughed while putting on her coat.

“Indeed.” Ellie affirmed. “I feel so sleepy… the whole time!” She finished closing her rain coat and grabbed her umbrella and her coat.

“Chris always made fun of your umbrella.” Brenda giggled.

“I know…” Ellie breathed, but she didn’t smile. Remembering him was so hurtful.

“I’m sorry, Ellie.” Brenda excused herself and rubbed her arm in support. “I am stupid.”

“It’s ok.” Ellie told her. “I need to get used to hear his name. We have many friends in common…”

“Ellie, you need to sit with him and talk.” Brenda reminded her. “Sooner rather than later.”

“I will.” She said. “When I am ready, I will.”

The two friends walked out of the café and stopped outside on the sidewalk saying the last goodbyes. It was still raining, maybe even more than when they were inside. Ellie opened her umbrella and gave Brenda a last kiss. Brenda walked up the street and she walked down the street towards her office to pick up her car. From upon her yellow umbrella came the lively sounds of rain drops. As the rain fell on the gray stone sidewalk, it began to soak the bottom of her jeans, and wetting her black ankle boots, making it glistening to a sparkle black. Ellie fastened her pace, passing in between people hurrying back to their homes, so she could reach her car soon for the rain was just becoming too intense. A few meters ahead she spotted a tall figure stopped under the awning of a music store looking at the window. Ellie came to a violent halt as she recognized that man, making the woman on her back crash against her as she stopped so suddenly. She gave a step forward as the woman crashed against her but her eyes never left him.

“Watch out!” The woman told her rudely. “You just don’t stop walking like that!” The woman yelled furious. Ellie began to shake and looked at the woman rather lost and confused.. “Are you a junkie?” The woman frowned. “Get lost…” She still added.

“I’m sorry…” Was all Ellie could whisper while hypnotized with him.

The figure dressed in black with hands shoved in the pocket of his black jeans. His curly black hair was tied and his earrings were shining under the dim light of the store. She could perceive his pouty lips and his perfect nose and even the vibrant blue of his stunning eyes as he gazed at the window of the store. He was probably sheltering from the shower that was falling down Seattle. Ellie felt her lungs freeze in place and she gasped for air. Her chest was gluing on her back as her eyes drunk in his image. Her head span momentarily and then he moved and Ellie, afraid he’d seen her, turned her back and started walking on the opposite direction but she didn’t care. She started to walk fast up the street. She was not ready to see him. She was not ready to talk to him. Her heart was running a mile per milliseconds. It was about to jump out of her mouth. Her hands were still shaking and so were her legs. Her lungs were still not expanding enough for her to breathe properly and her eyes were complicating her vision for they were completely blurred with tears. She still moved on, bumping into people sometimes and keeping her fasten place.

Chris looked up at the street and saw a yellow umbrella. His heart skipped a beat instantly. His stood on the tip of his toes to see better. It was a yellow umbrella.

“Fuck…” He whispered, feeling like the world was coming down on his shoulders.

Feeling his heart speed at its maximum rate and his legs failing, he didn’t think twice. Chris stepped out in the rain and started pushing people around to fasten his pace walking up the street not to lose sight of that umbrella. No one ever had a yellow umbrella except for Ellie and it had to be her. His gut was telling him it was her. When he got nearer, he could recognize her straight black hair falling over her back. Her long legs inside the tight jeans he had offered her. It had been the last present he had given her. He didn’t hold back. He had to talk to her.

“Ellie!” He yelled.

Ellie heard his voice yelling her name and more tears came to her eyes. She pretended she didn’t hear him and kept walking, maybe he would give up. She was not ready to face him. She was not ready to look into his blue eyes. No… not yet… She began to gasp for air again as she was trying not to cry.

“Ellie, stop!” He yelled again.

Her heart sped even faster and there she also fastened her pace. She was on the verge of start running as she was just hearing his voice nearer and nearer.

“Ellie…” He called again.

“Go away, Chris.” She said without looking back. Her voice cracking in between words as she choked on her tears.

“No…” He managed to grab her arm. “Stop… Ellie!” He exclaimed making her stop.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” She said without turning back to face him for she had her eyes filled with tears.

“We need to talk.” He said gasping a little from the running. Chris walked around her and Ellie raised her head to look at him. “We need to talk…” He said sweetly and his eyes glittered. “Ellie…” He whispered her name.

“Don’t…” She shook her head. 

Just hearing him say her name made her want to hold onto to him and never let go. Her love for him coming out of her pores that very instant and she wasn’t able to sustain the tears in her eyes. Her lips trembled a bit and the salty water ran down her cheeks.

“We have nothing to talk about.” She told him. “We have done all the talking, Chris. We have tried everything and it didn’t work.”

“Because you don’t believe in me.” He said. “Fuck, Ellie. You are supposed to trust me and you didn’t…”

“What do you want me to say?” Ellie asked him. “No one told me… I saw it…”

“But what you saw… it wasn’t exactly what you saw.” He claimed.

“Isn’t that what they all say?” Ellie tried to smile.

Chris frowned and pulled her under the awning of the café behind them.

“Don’t be sarcastic… I cannot stand sarcasm right now.” He told her. “Ellie….” Chris looked in her eyes and she looked away, not standing his sweet and loving glare. “I don’t even know who she is. I don’t know anything about that girl… not her name… her age… where she lives… I had never seen her before…”

“Enough, Chris.” Ellie told him and cleaned her tears. “Enough…”

“Ellie, please…” He grabbed her hand in his and wrapped his fingers around hers. His blue eyes shining so much and piercing into hers. “Please…” He whispered approaching her. 

His free hand took hold of her face, his thumb caressing her near her ear and Ellie wanted to move back and seemed glued to the ground. His scent reached nose and she closed her eyes trying to get some reigns of her feelings.

“Let me go, Chris.” She said opening her eyes, to find his face bending over hers. Their forehead touched.

“I love you.” He whispered.

“Chris…” She whispered back. Their noses touched. Her hand had involuntarily curled with his. “Let me go…”

“No.” He still whispered and Ellie felt his warm breath caress her lips. 

He was an inch away from kissing her and that’s when, by taking both hands to his chest, she pushed him abruptly. Chris didn’t offer resistance.

“Let me go!” She almost yelled, feeling dizzy.

“Ellie!” He yelled seeing her running to cross the street. “No… Ellie… watch out!” He yelled really loud but it was too late.

Ellie looked up at the lane and saw a bicycle really close and seconds after she was hit strongly by the bicycle that was descending the street. With the impact, she fell violently on the ground. Chris ran there immediately.

“What the fuck, man!” Chris grew to the man and pushed him back. “Can’t you see people crossing the lane?” He yelled.

“Chis!” Ellie called him contorting on the ground. Her clothes soaked wet. “Chris, call an ambulance.” She cried holding onto her lower belly.

“Ellie…” He kneeled near her and pulled her head to his lap. “What is hurting?”

“My belly… please call an ambulance.” Ellie cried and winced. “Oh God…” She cried and contorted a bit more.

“Miss...” The lady from the kiosk approached her. “I already called 911. They are coming. Stay calm.”

“Babe, what are you feeling?” Chris patted her soaked hair not caring how the rain was drenching him too. “Talk to me Ellie…”

“It’s my belly… it hit my belly…” Ellie cried desperately.

“Miss, I am so sorry.” The man stayed there. “You appeared in front of me too suddenly and I didn’t have time to brake.”

Chris looked up at him. “And what about your fucking velocity. Don’t you think you were a bit too fast in a lane full of people and raining nonetheless?”

“I am sorry sir.” The man apologized again.

“Where is the fucking ambulance?” He yelled looking around.

Soon, the siren began to be heard and the traffic on the street stopped and made space so the ambulance could pass through the intense traffic on the street. Not only because of the rain but also because people stopped to take a look at what was happening at the bicycle lane. The ambulance stopped quite near and the paramedics, a man, and a woman, came out with a bag of first aids and kneeled near Ellie.

“What happened?” The male paramedic asked.

“She got hit by a bicycle… but it was a strong hit.” Chris explained. “After she was thrown on the ground with the impact.”

“Mam… where does it hurt?” The paramedic asked.

“My belly…” Ellie contorted. “My belly hurts too much.” She winced and Chris bent over her and placed a kiss on her forehead.

“It’s ok, baby.” He whispered still patting her hair.

“Your lower belly?” The mas asked for that’s where her hands were resting.

“Yes.” Ellie confirmed.

“Please take your hands away so I can take a look.” The paramedic asked.

“Ellie, take your hands away sweetheart.” Chris held her hands and pulled them away.

“Chris.” Ellie looked in his eyes and was about to speak when the paramedic pressed her stomach and she released a loud yell. “STOP!” She said contorting. “Please… stop…” She cried.

“Stop…” Chris pulled the paramedic’s hands away from her. “She is in pain!”

“I have to examine her.” He claimed.

“What’s your name, mam.” The woman asked her, filling her file.

“Ellie.” She answered.

“Surname?”

Ellie and Chris exchange a look. “Cornell.” He said. After all, they were still married.

The woman eyed them above her glasses and then wrote down on her file.

“Ms. Cornell, we are taking you to the hospital now. You need to be checked.” The paramedic told her. Then, she spoke to Chris. “You cannot come with us in the ambulance. The vehicle has only one space vacant and I need to take that space to assist her.”

“What hospital?” Chris asked.

“Seattle Medical Center.” She said. “You can meet us there.”

“I’ll meet you there.” Chris spoke to Ellie.

“You don’t have to.” She told him.

“Yes, I have to,” He said firmly looking in her eyes. “Don’t even try to convince me otherwise.”

“Sir, you need to move away so we can carry her…” The male paramedic asked Chris to step back and he did. 

He got up and watched how they tucked Ellie carefully on the stretcher. Then, he saw a taxi passing by and he stretched his arm at it. Chris opened the back door and entered the cab.

“Seattle Medical Center, please.” He told the driver.

Chris saw the ambulance pass through the intense traffic and he started feeling a little impatient as he knew it was going to take him a while to get there. The three lanes were filled with cars that rolled truly slowly and sometimes stopped due to the traffic lights. He started feeling a bit cold as the clothes were starting to get dry on his body, but he didn’t care. His only concern was to get to the hospital to know how she was doing. Thirty minutes later, the taxi parked in front of the hospital’s main entrance. Chris grabbed a 20-dollar bill and put in the hand of the driver not caring with the exchange.

“Thank you.” He simply said, opening the door and running inside the hospital’s emergency room.

As the automatic sliding glass doors opened, it seemed like he entered a new world. It was so chaotic inside. Crowded with people. Paramedics running from one side to another delivering patients. Children crying by the hands of their parents, probably tired of being in such a hostile environment. The bleach scent intoxicating his nose. People reaching for doctors randomly trying to find some news of their loved ones and Chris looked around trying to find a way to locate Ellie. Finally, he spotted a front desk behind a group of people that were arguing with a nurse. He went there.

“Good evening.” The women on the other side of the counter greeted him with a smile on her lips.

“Hi…” Chris told her trying to smile back at her but he was not sure he had managed to do it. He was too nervous. “I am trying to find my wife… she arrived in an ambulance. She was run by a bicycle…”

“What’s her name, sir?” The woman asked looking at the files she had in front of her.

“Ellie Cornell.” He said.

“Just a moment.”

Chris tapped his fingers on the counter while the woman looked at the files carefully. Then, she raised her head and smiled at him.

“She is at the second floor. You follow the blue line on the floor and you will reach the elevator that will take you there.”

“Thank you very much.” He told her already leaving.

He looked at the floor and started following the blue line as he had been instructed. He ended up at a much quieter part of the ER. The fuzzy ambience was left behind and he was so glad because his head was pounding really hard. When he reached the elevator, he pressed the button three times in a row and then waited, walking in circles. When he finally heard the beep and saw the doors opening, he ran inside and pressed the second floor. He got even more nervous as the elevator made his way up. When he reached the right floor, everything was very quiet and he found a long corridor. He saw another counter with a nurse behind it and he walked there.

“Good evening.” He said as the nurse was up and with her back turned at the counter.

She turned around holding a pile of files in her hand. “How can I help you?”

“My wife, Ellie Cornell, is on this floor…” He said.

The nurse smiled. “She is making an ultrasound but you can wait in room 13, if you want.”

“That would be nice.” He told her nervously.

“Third door on the left.” The nurse pointed.

Chris entered the door pointed by the nurse and stood in the middle of it looking around at the dull cream empty walls. He freed his hair and shook it with his fingers, letting his curly locks fall free over his shoulders. Then, he shoved the hands on his still humid jeans and took a deep breath. There was nothing he could do but wait, but he was so impatient… 

After a few seconds of standing still at the same spot, he approached the large window and looked outside. A diluvium was falling over the city and at the same time, he shivered feeling cold. He took off his jacket and rested it opened on the couch so it could dry a little and stayed on his black sweatshirt with number 90 in white engraved on it. He palmed his sweat shirt to confirm that it was almost dry. How he wished he’d take his boots off, but suddenly he heard noise and looked at the door.

“Ellie.” He walked up to her as she was brought inside pushed in a wheel chair by a nurse.

“She’s fine.” The nurse smiled.

Chris opened his wonderful smile too and Ellie looked away, feeling her heart shattering in tiny pieces. She was still in love with him. Nothing had changed…

“I am fine.” She gathered strength to say.

“They are both fine.” The nurse said and Ellie felt herself shrink in the chair with the sudden revelation.

She didn’t want him to know like that but it was too late.

“Both?” Chris asked looking a bit lost. His eyes travelled from the nurse to her and back again, looking for an explanation.

“Her and the baby.” The nurse clarified.

Chris’s eyes fell on Ellie’s in seconds and stopped and they both stared at one another without sharing a word. Then, Ellie saw his eyes watering and getting darker. His lips trembled softly and he gulped a sob and his face turned pale. A wave of betrayal also lingered in his glare. The hurt and pain that started showing on his face let her know that he was getting the wrong idea and she opened her lips to speak, but it was too late. Chris cleaned the tears from his face and left the room without saying anything.

“Chris!” Ellie called him. “Chris…” She said again, but he didn’t come back. “He got it all wrong.” She whispered feeling her eyes watering too.

“I am sorry.” The nurse excused herself.

“No…” Ellie shook her head. “It’s all my fault… I should have looked for him and tell him and I didn’t…” She started crying. “He got it all wrong…”


	2. Chapter 2

Chris reached outside as fast as he could heaving. Under the awning of the front door of the emergency department of the hospital, he bent over and rested his hands on his knees while breathing fast and heavy. He swore he could not breathe. Tears came to his eyes again and he let them fall free there. As his face got soaked from the water pouring from his eyes, he started sobbing not able to control it anymore, but no one could hear him for the rain dropping over the metallic roof above their heads was too noisy and he had chosen a hidden corner in the dark to let all his hurt out. His heart was breaking over and over again. The pain he felt that moment was almost physical. It was excruciating. He couldn’t believe she had done something like that. Or how fast she had been to be with someone else. Ellie had been in the arms of another man… it was devastating him. 

Chris stood straight and wrapped his hands behind his neck trying to subside his crying. Trying to calm down. He didn’t want to hurt that way but knowing she had been in the arms of another man was beyond unimaginable. It destroyed him inside. Another man touched her skin and felt her scent. Another man kissed her lips and made love to her. Another man got her pregnant… He hadn’t been capable to be with other women and he had all the chance to do so. He felt betrayed, for he still hoped she’d come back to him soon. He still loved her with all that he was, with all his soul. Ellie was his everything and without her there was nothing.

“Fuck…” He whispered and cried again, kicking the air’s emptiness.

She would never come back. Everything was lost… 

Then, he cleaned his eyes and searched for a smoke in the pockets of his jeans, but all he found was the lighter. He slapped his palm against his forehead as he remembered the pack of cigarettes was in his jacket as well as his wallet which had all his money and his documents. His jacket was upstairs in the room where he had left her. 

“Fuck.” He whispered again, knowing he had to go back there.

Chris shook his head as more tears assaulted his eyes and cleaned them trying to dry his eyes the best he could. He didn’t want her to see that he had been crying. Though he knew, he had not been able to disguise his disappointment and hurt when the nurse said the word baby. Ellie knew him well. She was probably the person who knew him better in the whole world after Andy, but since Andy had died, she was the only one. She could read into him just by looking in his eyes, and in that moment, the moment they locked eyes in each other, he knew she had seen all his anguish, all his hurt, and all his disappointment.

“Ok…” He said running his fingers over his long hair. “Be a man.” He said.

With that, Chris came back inside the hospital. The emergency room was even noisier and more chaotic than a while ago when he first arrived. It seemed the night was an accident prone. As he did not need any instructions this time, he followed the same blue line until he reached the elevator. The doors were still opened, so he got in and pressed 2. As the doors closed, Chris took deep breaths to calm down, for he didn’t want to break down in front of her. When the doors opened, he got out feeling a bit more confident. He greeted the nurse behind the counter again.

“You’re going to number thirteen, right?” She asked just to be sure.

“Ellie Cornell, yes.” He said.

The nurse nodded, authorizing him to proceed. As he said her name, his hurt was substituted for some sort of anger. She had his name. They were still married. She got pregnant! Chris fastened his pace to make that visit as short as possible. He wouldn’t even look at her or say anything to her. He’d grab his jacket and he’d leave, without even look at her. Still, when he got close to her door, he stopped walking to mentalize himself of all that. Then, he looked around and he perceived something he hadn’t when he first got there completely worried about her state. It had written obstetrics all over and he didn’t see it.

“Yeah…” He said quietly feeling his heart breaking. He took a deep breath and got in.

“Chris!” Ellie exclaimed as she saw him getting inside. 

She was sitting on the bed with some tubes stuck in her arms. Her eyes red. He noticed she had been crying. Though he had made notes of not talking or look at her, that very second all his rage surfaced from within and he groaned. He clenched both his fists and he frowned.

“How could you?” He asked her. “And where is this son of a bitch who isn’t event here to assist you?”

Chris…” Ellie tried to speak.

He shook his head. “No… don’t say my name with that tone that you know is going to make me melt. That is actually cruel, Ellie.” He told her.

Ellie decided to shut up. Chris was pacing around and gesturing with his hands and he looked too tense and nervous. She had to let him say everything he had inside his chest. Finally, he turned to her again.

“How could you do this? Ellie… I couldn’t even touch another woman and you… you got over me! You had sex with someone else…” His eyes began to water even if he didn’t want to. “ You made a baby with another man…” He took his hands to his eyes, cleaning them fast to forbid the tears from falling.

“Shut up!” Ellie told him, crying too, and trying to get the tubes away from her face so she could see him better. “You’re talking nonsense.”

Chris pointed at her and shook his head. “Don’t tell me to shut up. I went after you and I was here worried about you just to hear that you are expecting a child. What a freaking moron you got! Have you called him? Is he even going to show up? Did you get yourself such a scum that he doesn’t even care? Was it worth it? Ellie… fuck… say something… how could you do this to us?”

“I…” She started but Chris interrupted her again and she narrowed his eyes at him.

“I hate you so much right now… but so much Ellie… these were our plans! How can you make our plans someone else’s plans?”

Ellie groaned. “Shut the fuck up for Christ sake!” She yelled. Chris stopped, looking at her. “The moron.. the scum… the father of this child… is right here in front of me. Yes, he is here!”

“What?” He whispered.

“I am ten weeks pregnant, Chris!” Ellie said. “It’s yours!”

“What?” He sat at the edge of her bed with his eyes fixed on hers. He could swear his heart stopped beating that very instant.

Ellie clapped her fingers in front of his eyes. “It’s yours.” She repeated. “I am pregnant and it’s yours.”

Chris stared at her for a few seconds and then frowned. He got up, span around and then looked at her and frowned again.

“It’s mine?” He asked and Ellie nodded. “It’s fucking mine and you didn’t tell me?” He raised his tone. “I am so fucking mad at you… I am still fucking mad at you…”

“I was trying to find courage to look for you.” Ellie said quietly and he looked at her feeling his heart about to burst out of his chest, reacting just the opposite of when she first delivered the news.

“You let me be here yelling stupid things at you and you don’t interrupt me to say that this child is mine. Ellie!” He groaned, feeling ashamed and frustrated.

“That’s unfair!” She said. “I tried and you didn’t give me a chance. You kept talking and talking…”

“I was right!” He said.

“You were not right.” Ellie argued. “You assumed a couple of things and started ranting without giving me the chance to say anything.”

“How long have you known?” He asked sitting back on the edge of the bed. Ellie looked away and didn’t respond. “Ellie… “ He called her patiently. “How long have you known?”

“A month.” She said really low.

“A month?” He asked just to be sure he had heard it correctly. She nodded. “You have known for a whole month and you didn’t talk to me?”

“I didn’t know what to tell you!” Ellie told him, turning her face to look at him.

“That I am going to be a father!” He exclaimed. “That’s what you had to tell me.”

“You know what I mean.” She rolled her eyes. “We are not living together… we are not together Chris…”

“But that’s not an excuse!” He said a bit calmer. “When were you going to tell me? When this child would be born? Who else knows?”

“Just Brenda.” Ellie responded.

“Not even your parents and your sister?” Chris asked and Ellie shook her head. “Ellie…”

“I wanted to tell you first!” She claimed. “I wanted to tell you first than anyone else, but I could not look for you…” Her eyes watered. “… and I had to talk to someone…”

“We are going to have a baby… our baby… we made a baby…” He smiled tenderly and Ellie rolled her eyes.

“Don’t give me that smile.” She told him. “And don’t look at me with those sweet eyes of yours… nothing has changed. We have to figure out a way of this working for this baby, but we are separated and will remain that way. This does not erase anything that happened.”

“I don’t know who that fucking girl from hell was.” He claimed again. 

“Ellie…” He got up and cupped her face between his hands, looking in her eyes. “I have never been with another woman since I met you.”

“Liar.” Ellie interrupted him.

“Ok… since we are together.” He corrected himself with a soft smile on his lips that he was trying to control. “Since we started going out hiding from your cousin… remember that?” He smiled there.

Ellie ended up smiling too. “Andy warned me against you. I should have listened to him.”

“He menaced me.” Chris laughed quietly. “I haven’t touched another woman after you, Ellie. Not even after you left our house. I always look for you… for you laughter… for you scent..”

Ellie taped his hands away. “Don’t go all beautiful words with me. That’s how you got me! You don’t fool me again.” She said.

“I got you?” He laughed. “How about that time at the club when you got so drunk that you came up to me.”

“I never did that!” She exclaimed.

“Excuse me, but you did and I have Xana as my witness and that’s how Andy found out about us. Because you spelt your guts. Oh Chris… I am so in love with you…” He imitated her voice in the end and Ellie ended up laughing loud and so did he. 

“I didn’t do that. I don’t believe you.” She said after.

“I had two witnesses confirming it. Andy didn’t speak to me for two days because I didn’t keep my promise of not getting involved with his cousin…”

“Oh yeah.. two days…” Ellie laughed. “…because that’s such a long time.”

“It was for us.” He said losing his smile and turning serious. Ellie lost her smile too.

“You are talking about Andy.” She told him.

Ellie wanted to run her hand over his face that moment, for she knew Andy’s death had been a hard blow for Chris. Despite the songs he wrote for him and poems and even letters, he never talked about him, not even with her and Andy was her cousin. When Andy died, Chris had closed himself in his own, sometimes confusing, mind and he wouldn’t share a thought or a word about it. He had drowned his pain in his guitar and in his notebook and maybe even neglected her a bit, but she understood his grief. Andy and he were like blood brothers. He was his best friend.

“Yeah…” He got up and turned around to the window. The city lights entertaining his eyes. “I guess… I …” He stuttered and went silent.

“Chris.” Ellie called him and he looked back at her with intense sadness in his vibrant blue eyes. “It’s ok to talk about him. We were laughing…” She claimed.

“I don’t like to talk about him.” He stated. “You know that.” Chris looked away from her and looked out at the window again. “I miss him…” He said with his back turned at her. “I miss him all the time… I miss him even more now that you are not there…”

His last sentence brought tears to her eyes but she was able to control it. 

“He wouldn’t want to see you sad.” Ellie told him. Chris bent his head down, looking at his feet. “ He hated it when you were sad or upset.”

“It’s impossible not to be sad, Ellie.” He turned around and faced her again. “He was like my brother… maybe more of a brother than some of my real siblings… and there’s you… there’s us…”

“Let’s not talk about that.” Ellie asked him.

Chris raised his head and stared at the ceiling. He bit his lower lip and softly smiled. A sarcastic one for sure.

“How come we cannot talk about that?” He asked then looking back at her. “Have you been happy? Because I haven’t…” He said taking a hand to chest. “I have been missing you every single second.”

“Chris…” Ellie said his name with such plead that he shut up.

“I…” He began again and then shook his head. “I know what you saw but it’s not what you think and I cannot find a way to make you see it. I feel so frustrated.” He paused. “I feel so powerless…”

“You were kissing a girl...” Ellie reminded him with tears in her eyes. It hurt to remember it.

“I was not.” He affirmed again. “I was not, Ellie. She was kissing me but I was not kissing her!”

Ellie looked away from him and he noticed how her gray eyes were glittering. She was holding her tears and he didn’t want her to cry. Nothing hurt him more than to see her crying.

“Tell me about the baby.” He asked instead. Chris came back near her bed and sat at the edge again.

Ellie shrugged. “There’s not much to tell. It’s all in the very beginning. I am ten weeks pregnant. The baby is growing normally… I mean it’s still too tiny but you can see the arms and the legs forming and hear the heart beating… it’s going alright.”

“It was that time, wasn’t it?” He asked.

“It can only be. I left the house right after…” Ellie said. “I haven’t been with anyone, Chris.” She decided to clarify. “I also look for you in other people and it’s impossible to find another you… it hurts for me to.”

“May I?” The doctor knocked on the door and they both looked at her. “I came to check if everything is alright with you?” The doctor approached Ellie and Chris got up, straying a bit.

“I feel fine. The cramps stopped.” Ellie explained.

“Yes… it was a big impact but luckily it didn’t hit your uterus.” The doctor explained grabbing her stethoscope. 

She put it in her ears and pulled the sheet away from Ellie. Chris watched it how she gently rested the instrument on Ellie’s belly and then she listened attentively. Chris was arms crossed by Ellie’s side looking at her. The doctor smiled.

“It’s beating strong, but you need to rest. We are keeping you here tonight for observation and you need to rest for two weeks.” She informed.

“Alright.” Ellie nodded.

“You were hearing the heart?” Chris asked her.

“Yes.” She confirmed.

“Can I hear it?” He asked shyly.

The doctor looked at Ellie as if asking permission. “He is the father.” Ellie said.

“Come here.” The doctor said. 

Chris approached her and she put the stethoscope in his ears and then she rested the ending back on Ellie’s belly. She searched for the beating, trying to read it in his expression and finally, a smile opened on his lips and she left it there for him to listen properly. Ellie saw his eyes watering in seconds and hers joined him. Finally sharing it with him was very emotional.

“It beats fast.” He said choking a little with his eyes glittering.

“Their heart beats faster than an adult. The normal rate is 120 beats per minute.” She explained. Then, she took the tool away. “I have other patients to see.” She excused herself.

“Thank you.” Chris told her.

“You’re welcome.” She smiled and walked away, leaving them alone again.

Chris turned to Ellie. “What are we going to do? We are having a baby…”

“We have to make this work.” Ellie said.

“Yeah… but work how?” He asked her. “Ellie… I want to make this work but together. The three of us… as a family…” He paused and then frowned. “Come on… none of us filed for divorce. This means something.”

“We tried to stay together, Chris and it didn’t work. I could not get over it.” She claimed. “I love you… I really do…”

“What to do you want to do, babe?” He asked approaching her and cupping her face between his hands. “Tell me what you want to do?” He whispered.

“I want to believe you.” She whispered back.

Chris rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. His thumbs coming back and forward gently over face and Ellie felt heart settling on a higher rate. He spoke again though.

“She came out of nowhere and grabbed me. I was not counting on it and that’s what you saw…” He repeated the same story for he didn’t have a different one to tell. “I swear this is the truth.”

“How did a fan get backstage?” Ellie asked him.

Chris pulled away to look in her eyes. “I have no fucking clue.”

“See.. “ She pointed. “This is the part that…” She shook her head.

“Babe…” He made her look in his eyes. “Let’s go away… let’s go live in another city, in another state. Let’s leave, just us.”

“Chris… you have your band here.” Ellie claimed. “How would you manage it from another state?” She curled an eyebrow. “Soundgarden is based here.”

Chris walked away from her that moment. “I am so tired of Seattle…” He whispered. A shadow that Ellie had never seen before creeping in his eyes. “I am so tired of everything…” He shook his head and closed his eyes for brief instants, he took both his hands to his head. “I feel so confused… and tired of it all… and all I have is bad memories…” He stopped talking though Ellie could feel so much pain coming out of his words.

“Wait, Chris… what are you talking about?” She asked for she knew he was sharing something deep. Something he hadn’t probably shared with anyone else.

“I am tired…” He shrugged. “Seattle is smothering me.” He told her while sitting on the couch.

Ellie pulled the sheet away and grabbed the stroller with her medication. Slowly, she put her feet on the floor and got up. Immediately, Chris went to her.

“What are you doing? You heard the doctor!” He said.

“I was going to you.” Ellie looked in his amazing blue eyes.

“Sit…” He said pulling her down by her shoulders and Ellie sat. Chris sat by her side on the bed.

“Tell me…” She asked. “What are you talking about?” Chris stared into her eyes with that creepy shadow in his glare. “Chris…” Ellie whispered his name. “What’s the matter with you?”

“I feel like I am suffocating.” He choked. 

Ellie could see how hard it was for him to say it. She bet it was the first time he was admitting it to someone. He looked down, not even able to face her

“Why?” She got the courage to pull a strand of his long hair behind his ear. “Your band is doing wonderful… you got a tour coming…”

“I lost my best friend to drugs… I have other friends fighting drugs…” He paused and then looked at her. His eyes filled with tears. “… I lost you… this whole scene… this whole grunge scene that all of a sudden became so out of hand… no one is controlling it anymore… it’s controlling us…”

“Chris, you are just overwhelmed by all the success that you are having.” Ellie caressed his face and he closed his eyes as he felt her touch. “You fought so much for the recognition that you are having. You are mazing… absolutely amazing at what you do.”

“All the exposure…” He shook his head. “I am a little introverted… you know me… this whole exposure is driving my insane.”

“You love to play live.” Ellie told him. “You’ll see you’ll feel better during the tour because you love being on stage, don’t you?” She smiled.

“And I am leaving you here pregnant.” He argued. “You might need me… I don’t know…”

“No… hey…” Ellie took a hand to his face and made him look at her. “We are going to be ok. Me and the baby are going to be healthy and waiting for you to come back and happy to hear about all the success that you’re making.”

He ended up smiling. “I want a little girl.” He said.

“So, she can be daddy’s girl?” Ellie joked.

“Definitely.” He smiled his shy smile. “Come back home.” He asked right after. “Our house is so empty without you there. I am so empty without you…”

“I’m not ready.” She whispered.

He nodded. “I need you, Ellie.”

“We need you too.” Ellie grabbed his hand and rested it on her belly. “Remember this…” She looked in his eyes. 

“I’m gonna be everything my father wasn’t.” He promised. “Not that it’s hard…”

“You are going to be the best daddy ever.” Ellie assured him. “You are nothing like him…nothing… you are sweet and tender and loving…”

“And a fucking mess.” He completed.

“Chris, you are scaring me…” She told him knowing something was not right.

“Now you should rest. Go back to bed, come on.” Chris got up and held the sheets up. 

Ellie looked at him waiting for him to open up a little more but she knew he had turned that page and that moment there would be no turning back. She got up and lie down while he tucked her in. Chris bent over her and rested his lips on her forehead, lingering for a few seconds. Then, he strayed and looked in her eyes and he ventured to approach his lips to hers. Ellie held her breath while her heart took off racing and Chris’s breathing became heavier. He let his head fall a bit more until his nose touched hers and the second after, he brushed his lips on hers softly and at the same time his eyes closed and so did hers. He then pecked her and he felt her hand rest on his cheek. Chris kissed her lips one more time, feeling hers kissing him back. He parted his lips and ran the tip of his tongue over her upper lips and Ellie opened her mouth to let him encounter her tongue. His hand rested firmly on her chin and her hand tangled in his curly locks while their lips were glued and their tongues made love to one another. After a while, they broke the kiss gently and Chris rested his forehead against hers with his eyes closed.

“I love you so.” He whispered really low.

“I love you too.” She responded. “We love you.” She then corrected which caused him to smile.

He pulled away and looked in her eyes. “Try to sleep now.”

“You’re going home.” She told him.

“Hell no.” He said. “I am sleeping on that couch.” He pointed. “I am not leaving you here. There’s no chance that I am leaving you here.”

“I am fine and the baby is fine. Go home.” Ellie almost ordered. “You need to sleep properly. Chris…” Ellie paused and they locked eyes. “Have you been sleeping?”

“A few hours.” He confessed.

“A few hours?” Ellie asked in disbelief. “You know you need to rest. Please… go home and you come back tomorrow morning.” She insisted for she knew he needed to rest but Christopher Cornell was stubborn.

“I’ll be fine on that couch.” He said sitting there.

“Chris…” She tried.

“I have made up my mind.” He said firmly.

“You don’t even fit on that small couch!” Ellie pointed it out.

“I’ll fit.” He insisted.

“You haven’t eaten anything!” She then remembered.

Chris rolled his eyes. “I am fine!”

“I am worried about you.” Ellie said. 

Looking better at him, Chris looked so thin and under his eyes there were huge black bags.

“There’s nothing to worry about.” He smiled. “Close your eyes, come on…”

“Chris, you are not doing drugs are you?” She asked. “Tell me the truth, babe. Are you?”

“No.” He responded firmly. “I am not, I swear. I am just having trouble sleeping since you left. I am not using, Ellie. I swear I am not.”

“Ok…” She said closing her eyes.

“Sleep well.” He told her.

“Go home.” Ellie responded with a distant voice.


	3. Chapter 3

Slowly, Ellie uncovered her face for she was sleeping with the hospital’s sheet over her head. Probably shielding her eyes from the light. She blinked a couple of times and then closed her eyes again and blinked again. It was hard to keep her eyes opened with the clarity in the room. Splashes of sunlight invaded the huge window and blinded her. Ellie covered her eyes with her hand for a few seconds and then and rubbed her knuckles on it to shake away the sleep, and after, she stretched her arms above her head and yawned. Finally, and slowly, she was able to cope with the light and open her eyes. The first thing she noticed were Chris’s legs hanging from the tiny couch and she took a deep breath. He had not gone home as she asked him. He was six feet tall and that couch was almost half of his size, but she smiled watching him.

He had pulled his jacket over his torso and also pulled one of the couch’s cushions under his head. His boots were scattered on the floor, which made Ellie smile. He was the same at home. She was always grabbing his boots and putting them side by side orderly. His hair covering part of his face and his puffy lips were slightly parted as he breathed heavily. Still, her heart ached for he must have had a terrible night sleep. He barely fit in there. Though she wanted to look elsewhere, her eyes could not leave his frame. It had been two months since he had been the first thing she had seen in the morning and she missed that, though the circumstances were not the same as waking up with him at their apartment.

Memories of waking up by his side came to her mind. Waking up naked from the love making in the previous night. His sleepy smile as he kissed her good morning and sometimes how he’d try to make love to her. Sometimes it was her… sometimes she was the one looking for him. The way there was always his arm around her waist, pulling her body to spoon with his. Watching him sleep made her love for him crawl from within her. A noise caused her to look away and she saw a nurse coming in, pushing a stroller with all types of instruments and medicines.

“Good morning!” Her joyful high voice caused Chris to stir and frown. He hated to be abruptly awakened.

“Good morning.” Ellie responded trying to talk low but the nurse didn’t understand her hint.

“I came to check on you.” She said in a truly high pitch and occupied looking at her chart at the same time. Then, she began her routine.

By the corner of her eye, Ellie saw Chris frown again and grunt low. Then, he took his hands to his eyes and rubbed them and finally he tried to open them. The nurse was all around Ellie but she was distracted looking at him. After a few blinks, he managed to open his eyes and then sat on the couch, looking at her.

“Morning…” He told her in his cute sleeping voice that sent her heart in a nice travel to Mars. She always adored his deep sleepy tone.

“Good morning.” She responded. “I told you to go home.” She said right after.

“Stop bossing me.” He smiled. “You know I wouldn’t go.”

“She is doing great.” The nurse said in her high pitch and Ellie saw Chris wince a bit which almost made her laugh, but she controlled herself.

“Good to hear that.” He said though and forced a nice smile. 

“I am going to ask to bring you breakfast.” Finally, the nurse left and they both thanked God for it.

“Oh my God…” Chris rolled his eyes. “How loud can one speak in the morning?”

“It was painful… I give you that.” Ellie said giggling.

“How are you feeling?” He asked approaching the bed and holding her hand. His eyes still swollen and his face marked by the pillow.

“You heard the nurse.” Ellie said. “I am fine.” They fell silent and she couldn’t but notice how tired he looked. “Chris…” She said after. “… you are going to have breakfast with me and then you’re going home.”

“I am…” He nodded. “To have a shower and change and then I come back.”

“Chris…” She said, looking in his eyes and trying not to melt with the sweetness of his glare. “You heard the doctor. I am leaving the hospital today and you look exhausted. You need to rest properly. I am fine. We are both fine.” Ellie smiled while resting a hand on her lower belly. 

Chris’s eyes followed her hand and he smiled too, but he looked at her face right after. Their hands still united. Chris changed his sweet glare to a pleading one that Ellie recognized in seconds. She knew how his eyes narrowed a little and turned a little darker.

“Ellie…” He called her with his deep tone. “Please, come back home with me.”

“We are separated, Chris.” Ellie told him but her voice failed so much that moment.

His free hand flew to rest on her face and he looked so deeply into her eyes. 

“But we don’t have to be.” He lowered his tone to that gentle one that drove her insane since the day she met him. “We promised forever… in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better for worse until death do us apart… remember?”

Ellie smiled for he was remembering their wedding vows, but suddenly the vison of him kissing another woman popped up the next instant, killing the mood. Chris noticed something had changed for her eyes turned waterish.

“I love you, Ellie. There is no one…. There was never no one… no one, babe.” He said. “Please… we can try. Let’s try… two months have passed…” She interrupted him there.

“It still hurts, Chris.” Ellie told him and he nodded.

“I know. It would hurt for me too, don’t doubt it. But what I claim is the pure truth and you must find some space, some tiny space inside of you where you know I am telling you the truth. I never lied to you. You know that!” Chris let go of her hand and cupped her face between his hands. “Let’s try, Ellie. We are having a baby.”

“Chris, what was that stuff you were telling me last night?” She asked instead.

He pulled away there and walked away from her bed. Chris faced the window, giving her his back and curling his hands behind his neck. She knew he was avoiding the subject.

“Come on…” She insisted. “Talk to me.”

“It’s nothing.” He mumbled. 

Ellie knew he had regretted he had said these things for he knew she would never let go of him to understand what was in his mind and Chris was not a master at opening, though he did it quite often with her, but what he brought up the previous night was different.

“It was not nothing, Chris. I know you a little bit.” She told him. He looked over his shoulder at her and she smiled. “Come back here and talk to me.” Ellie extended him her hand.

Chris took it when he got back near her. “Just come home with me. I’ll sleep in the guests room but come home Ellie. I am begging you…”

Ellie was going to speak, but the noise of a stroller stole her attention and she looked at the door of her private bedroom. Seconds after, an employee entered the bedroom with a stroller with their breakfast, just like the nurse had told them.

“You can pull a chair nearer the bed.” The employee told Chris, while she adjusted the pillows behind Ellie’s back and adjusting the headboard of her bed too. 

Chris grabbed the red chair that was near the window and brought it back near the bed and sat down. Then, the woman pulled the movable table and placed it between them, so they could both have access to the food. Finally, she smiled at them.

“Have a nice breakfast.” She told them.

“Thank you.” Ellie and Chris answered.

They waited until she walked out the door and then they looked at the breakfast. The tray had two plates of scrambled eggs and two toasts. There was bread and a bit of butter and jelly and there was tea. It was simple but it seemed sufficient. 

“Do you want my eggs?” Ellie asked Chris.

“No way. You are going to eat everything.” He ordered her, putting the plate right in front of her. “You are pregnant, you need to eat.”

“But I don’t have to eat for two. I don’t want the eggs.” She claimed. “Have mine, Chris.” She insisted.

“Fine!” He rolled his eyes and she dumped the eggs on his plate giggling. “What?” He asked her with a shy smile on his lips, but his eyes… his eyes were so full of love.

“Nothing… it was just your face.” She said. 

“Remember when we met?” He smiled openly and changing the subject completely.

It was her turn to roll her eyes. “Yes… New Year’s Eve… we were entering 1989.”

“You went to the party that Andy and I were having in our old apartment.” He added, smiling sweetly at her.

Ellie started laughing loud and he continued looking at her with his eyes full of love. Only Chris looked at her that way. She doesn’t even know how they were able to hide for a couple of months they were in love, for the way he looked at her ever since was enough to perceive it.

“Andy went to pick me up at home and he spoke about you the entire time…” Ellie took a bite of her buttered bread and then started laughing. “Telling me to stay away from you… that I was his cousin…”

“Before he left to pick you up, he advised me to stay away from you.” Chris also laughed.

“My cousin was so lovable.” Ellie said looking in his eyes.

“He told me how you had moved in from Connecticut and that you were new here and stuff…” Chris continued looking down at his plate as he placed some eggs on his fork.”… he said that you were beautiful… and to keep quiet…” He looked up at her there. “:.. but I had no idea how incredibly beautiful you really were until you entered the apartment hand in hand with him.” Chris smiled there.

“You stared at me right there.” Ellie told him sipping on her tea. “You were the most impressive guy in that party…” She smiled. “I am not going to deny that… “

“And then we spent the night talking at the terrace, remember?” They both giggled.

“God… you brough that Jack Daniels bottle and two glasses and we kept having shots.” Ellie said.

“I fell in love you with you that night, Ellie.” He said sweetly.

She smacked his chest. “You are such a liar Christopher Cornell.” She exclaimed which caused him to burst a laughter.

“I haven’t?” He asked her. “Remember how I kept calling you to ask you out?” He opened his eyes wide and nodded to mean his words. “I called you over and over again.”

“You stole my number from Andy’s phonebook.” She laughed again. “That is not a thing to do to a friend…” She mocked him. He recognized her mocking smile.

“Because I fell in love with you.” He insisted nodding with his eyes still wide open.

“You don’t fool me!” She smiled. Chris held her hand and placed a kiss on her palm and then rested it against his face. 

“You know what I am telling you is true.” He smiled, looking in her eyes.

“Are you really tired of Seattle?” She asked instead. Chris shrugged. “Babe, what is that supposed to mean?”

“I…” He said and Ellie thought he was going to speak, but Chris got up instead. “I am going home to shower and change.”

“Chris…” Ellie grabbed his hand and searched for his eyes.

“I won’t take long.” He continued. “Think about what I asked you.”

“Ok.” Ellie nodded and instantly his eyes filled with tears.

“Ok?” He asked just to be sure.

“Yes…” Ellie said. 

“I love you, Ellie.” He told her and placed a kiss on her forehead.

“But we are going to talk.” She told him looking up.

“No…” He whispered shaking his head.

“We are.” She said firmly while his hand left hers.

“See you later.” Was his response.

Ellie didn’t say anything, she just watched him disappear through the door. Then, she rested her head against her pillow and stared at the ceiling. Tears came to her eyes. Chris could be missing her. She didn’t doubt when he said so but he was also crying for help and she knew she was the one he was asking help from. They loved each other, that was so clear. Maybe there was still space for a reconciliation. It’s not like she had been happy without him. On the contrary, she felt empty, just like he told her he felt. 

Back in the day, they had fallen in love fast. Maybe it was like Chris had just told her. They fell in love the night they met. For a while, after stealing her number from Andy’s phonebook, he chased her. The first time he called her house, it was her mother that answered the phone and as shy as he was, he still had the courage to ask for her. When she got to the phone, he got even more nervous and his voice shook all over as he asked her out for the first time. It didn’t take long until they started seeing each other in secret, hiding it from their friends because of Andy and they managed to do it for a couple of months. When Andy found out, he got really mad at them but mainly because they have hidden it from him and not exactly because they were dating. Andy saw Chris as a brother, he would never stay mad at him for long. They got married a year after they have met, in January of 1990. It had been a simple party with close friends and family. Andy had been able to attend and be Chris’s best man and then in March of the same year, their world was crushed by the loss of Andy. 

The first weeks after his death, Chris had been distant. Not only from her but from everyone. Ellie tried to make him talk sometimes but he always ran away from the subject but she knew he was hurting badly. He looked incredibly sad. One night, while writing some songs dedicated to him, he got so drunk that he yanked Ellie out of the bed in the middle of the night and started spilling his guts out. She sat on the couch of their living room with him, his head resting on her lap while he cried incessantly and let out about how bad he was feeling. She didn’t say a word, only he spoke and her hand patted his head. Since then, she had become his safe haven. She was the one he always trusted everything and Ellie knew that moment in his life Chris was a mess and she loved him too much to leave him alone. His words the previous night had not been random. His words were something he was feeling and she didn’t know where these were coming from.

“Hey…” She heard a voice and soft knock on the door that yanked her from her thoughts. Brenda smiled instantly and then got in, once Ellie moved her head to look at her. “You seemed rather lost…” Her friend said as she approached her.

“How did you know I was here?” Ellie asked her for she hadn’t talked to anyone.

“Chris…” Brenda smiled. “He called me last night from here.”

Ellie smiled and shook her head softly. “He must have called you after I fell asleep.” She said. 

“What happened?” Brenda pulled a chair and sat by the bed. “He just said you were ran over by a bicycle… I mean… how did he end up here too?”

Ellie rolled her eyes. “It was my fault.” She breathed. “After I left you, I was walking down the street to go pick up my car at the office and I saw him and I ran away…”

“Ellie…” Brenda breathed in a recriminating tone. “Running away from him? What’s the logic?” She shrugged.

“I know… I know…” She nodded. “But it was my reaction. Anyway, he caught me and you know… he held my hand and we were on the verge of kissing and I ran away and I didn’t see the fucking bicycle…”

“So…” Brenda nodded at the same time. “I assume he came to the hospital with you and found out the worst possible way…”

“God…” Ellie groaned. “Yes.”

“I told you…” Brenda smacked her forehead lightly. “You should have talked to him right when you found out about it.”

“Don’t I know that!” Ellie exclaimed. “I fucking know that!”

“Then, you should have done it. Like I have always told you.” She pointed her finger in her face but smiling.

“It doesn’t matter now…” Ellie breathed.

“How did he react?” Brenda asked her.

Ellie giggled there. “Worse than ever. First, he thought I had been with someone else and he left… he just left… but then he came back. I guess to grab his jacket that he had left on the couch and started yelling at me about how hurt he was and he didn’t let me tell him this baby was his.”

Brenda rolled her eyes. “When he gets his motor running nothing stops him. And then?” She smiled waiting for the rest.

“Then… when I was finally able to tell him it was his… he started yelling at me because I didn’t tell him.” Ellie said.

Brenda nodded and was serious. “And he was right. You know that he was right.”

“I know.” Ellie agreed.

“And after all that, I can totally see him melting down.” Brenda smiled her cheesy smile.

“Yes.” Ellie smiled too. “He wants a baby girl.”

“Aww…” Brenda pouted. 

“And he is a mess.” Ellie told her losing her smile. Brenda followed her and frowned.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“Last night he said a few things…” Ellie stopped as tears came to her eyes.

“Hey…” Brenda patted her arm. “What’s up?”

“He talked about being tired of Seattle, being tired of everything…” Ellie looked at Brenda with her gray eyes filled with tears. “Something is going on inside his head… it scared me…”

“He wants you back, Ellie.” Brenda told her as if it explained it all but Ellie shook his head.

“It’s not just that.” She said cleaning her eyes. “I know him, B. Yes, he asked me to go back but he also indirectly asked for my help. I know him… Chris will not come to you and say he needs help. He will say things for you to figure it out.”

“You know him better than anyone else.” Brenda stated.

“Yeah… I do.” Ellie nodded. “I am coming back to our apartment.”

“You are coming back to him?” Brenda asked her.

“Not exactly… we are sleeping in separate rooms for now. He suggested it. I still need time, B. It still hurts.”

“But Ellie….” Brenda pulled her hair back as she caressed her friend. “… he might have suggested that, but he is expecting you to come back for real. You know what I mean…”

“I know…” Ellie nodded. “I love him. It’s not like I don’t want him back that way. I do… and maybe working on it together is the only way. Chris is right when he says it’s been two months… two fucking miserable months. We are having a baby… and I don’t want to leave him alone in the apartment.”

“And not leaving him alone was the trigger to your decision.” Brenda concluded.

“Yes.” She confirmed. 

“I think you took the right decision.” Brenda said after a few seconds of silence. “You two need to work on your marriage and you won’t be able to do it apart. If there’s a couple that I think it can surpass a crisis, this couple is you and him. For I have never seen two people more in love than you two.”

“B.” Ellie looked in her friend’s eyes. “I need you to go to my apartment and pack some of my stuff.”

“Sure… where are your keys?” Brenda asked her.

“On that hanger.” Ellie pointed. “Inside my purse. Chris went home to change and have a shower and he will come back to pick me up. I need some clothes…”

“I was wondering where he was.” Brenda said walking to her bag.

“He slept on this couch. Can you believe it? It’s half of his size! I told him to go home, but it was useless.”

“He loves you. That man loves you with all he is.” Brenda giggled and that made Ellie giggle too. “I really hope you two can work it out. I love you both. It’s hard to see you two sad the whole time.”

“We kissed last night.” Ellie smiled.

“Uh…” Brenda made a face. “I think this reconciliation might happen just tonight.” She giggled. “Can you resist him if he just comes up on you half naked?”

“That’s a very mean thing to say!” Ellie pointed her finger at her.

Brenda smiled and nodded. “That’s right. He doesn’t even need to be naked. You don’t resist him fully dressed.”

Ellie began to laugh loud. “No…” She shook her head. “I need more time.”

“I am going.” Brenda said shaking her keys in the air. “Chris called your mother too. He told me so. She might come here, just so you know.”

Ellie rolled her eyes. “He got her all worried for nothing. I am fine!”

“Well… I am going.” Brenda smiled and then turned her back at Ellie to leave.

“My suitcases are in the second wardrobe!” Ellie said and Brenda raised her arm signaling she had heard her.

After an hour of being alone, Ellie was completely bored watching the heavy rain tapping wildly on the window of her hospital room. The day had begun with a magnificent sun and clear sky but in instants turned gray and heavy and it started raining. All she could see were the drops hitting the glass and then forming a cascade of water that ran down the glass. They say it rains nine months in Seattle and she was sure that was true for she still finds it strange the amount of water that fell over that city. Outside on the corridor though, a familiar voice was heard asking for her name. As that was a private part of the hospital, everything was very silent and quiet. Ellie smiled for she was sure it was the voice of her mother. Not even a minute after, Millie peeked at the door.

“Hi, mom!” Ellie smiled openly and Millie entered the room almost running.

“Ellie… how are you?” She asked grabbing both her hands and looking in her eyes with a very concerned look.

“I am fine, mom. Everything is fine.” She smiled. “Where is my kiss?” 

Millie bent over her youngest daughter and kissed her forehead three times in a row. Her cold lips making Ellie shiver a bit. She concluded it must have been cold outside.

“You’re pregnant?” Millie asked. “This is the obstetrics floor!” She exclaimed.

“Chris didn’t tell you that part, uh?” Ellie smiled shyly.

“No… he called last night just saying there had been an accident and that you were here but you were sleeping…” She started explaining. “But I see now that you are in the obstetrics…”

“I was ran by a bicycle while running away from him.” Ellie whispered and Millie frowned.

“Running away from Chris?” Millie asked with huge V line formed between her eyebrows. “That doesn’t even make sense. How far are you? Why haven’t you told us anything?”

“Because I wanted him to know first and he only found out yesterday…” Ellie half smiled and her voice faded in the end. Her mother’s frown became bigger.

“How far are you, Ellie?” Her mother asked again. “I cannot believe in you…”

“Ten weeks.” She whispered, looking in her mother’s eyes.

“You waited that long to let him know he is going to have a baby?”

“God… I am tired of explaining myself.” She muttered. “I was not ready to see him!”

“That’s not an excuse!” Millie told her. “He had the right to know since the beginning.”

“Mom… we talked and we’re good.” Ellie said trying to break that topic.

Millie shut up and sat on the chair that Brenda had left vacant when she left. “Chris said that you have to rest. Maybe it’s better if you come to our house for the time you need to rest. Maybe you need help.”

Ellie grabbed her mother’s hand and smiled. “Thanks, mom.” She paused. “I am coming home with Chris.”

Millie opened a wide smile. “You are doing the right thing.” Her mother said. “You two must work on your marriage. Being married is not easy. In your case it’s even harder. You know there will always be girls willing to do anything to him, anything Ellie, but you have to trust him.”

“He was kissing someone!” Ellie exclaimed. “It’s not like someone came to gossip or anything… I saw it…”

“But he explained.” Her mother reasoned her. “One thing I have always liked in Chris since I met him is his honesty. He wouldn’t lie to you, Ellie. If he did anything wrong, you would see it right in his eyes.”

“Seems more like he is your son!” Ellie tapped her arm giggling. “You’re always defending him!”

“I see him as my son too.” Her mother got up and kissed her and then sat back. “I know you’re hurt sweetheart. I know it’s very hard… but listen to him. Deep inside I know you know he’s telling the truth but you are hurt.”

Suddenly, Chris walked inside the bedroom and they shut up. He appeared with a topknot holding partly of his hair. A black sweater and blue jeans rolled up above his ankles and his boots. The scent of his cologne invaded the room. Immediately, he offered his beautiful smile to Millie. Millie got up and they held each other close.

“How have you been?” Millie asked as she placed a kiss on his cheek.

“Good.” He smiled. “And you?”

Millie patted his cheek sweetly. “I missed you, boy.” She said. “Congratulations!” Millie added finally and his smile opened wide. A gleam in his eyes was notorious. “Now you two…” Millie said looking at them both at the time. “…work on your differences.” Chris and Ellie exchange a look but remained silent. “Love isn’t easy. Love isn’t black or white. A marriage is one hell of a ride but when there is love, we don’t give up. We fight…” She ended there.

“We need time.” Chris finally spoke and Ellie thanked him mentally for his response.

Millie nodded and looked at Ellie. “Ellie, you rest! If the doctor said that you had to rest you do have to rest. Don’t start inventing things to do. I know you!”

“I won’t let her.” Chris giggled. “She is going to be well watched.”

“You do that!” Millie told him. “You know how she is.”

“Hey!” Ellie raised both her arms in the air. “I am here… you two are talking about me.” She smiled.

A knock on the door made them stop talking and all three looked at it to find the doctor coming in in her blue suit and smiley.

“I came to check on you.” She talked to Ellie.

“I am feeling fine.” Ellie told her.

“No pain at all?” She asked, preparing the stethoscope to hear the baby.

“No. I feel fine.” Ellie answered.

The doctor finally rested the instrument on her belly and searched for a few seconds. Then, she stopped hearing carefully and smiled.

“It’s beating strong.” She said. By the corner of her eye, Ellie saw Chris taking a deep breath. “I would just like to make another ultrasound before I let you go. Is that ok?”

“Of course. If you think it’s better.” Ellie agreed.

“I am going to call a nurse to bring a wheelchair.” The doctor said.

“I can walk.” Ellie offered.

“No… I don’t want you to walk.” The doctor explained. “At home, you can walk to your kitchen or to go to the bathroom but I don’t want you to stand for long. You hear me? It’s important. Now..” She looked at Chris and Millie. “One of you can watch it, if you want.”

“Thank you.” They answered at the same time.

The doctor left and Ellie looked at her mother. “Mom…” She said. 

“I know.” Millie smiled and nodded.

“Chris haven’t seen the baby yet.” Ellie explained.

“It’s only logical that he’s the one going with you.” She kissed Ellie’s cheek. “I will have time to spoil that baby.”

Soon, the nurse brought the wheelchair and Ellie was transferred to it. Then, the nurse started pushing her and Chris walked by her side with his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. That was their moment and their moment alone. Before leaving the room, they both said their goodbyes to Millie who watched them go with tears in her eyes and a smile on her lips. Deep inside, she knew they would overcome the rough period they were living. Millie walked to the window to entertain herself with rainy Seattle while she waited for them to come back.

She remembered how in the beginning she wasn’t very fond of Ellie’s relationship with Chris for she knew beforehand how boys in bands behaved. She had one in the family and though Andy was sweet and amazingly talented, everybody knew he had started using drugs. The music scene emerging in Seattle was filled with drugs and alcohol and thus Millie was afraid Chris was the same and knowing his past she worried even more. He had unfortunately suffered abuse from his father among other unlucky events in his life that could have turned him into a troubled soul. Still, when she met him for the first time, she saw a young man so full of love and kindness that she knew she had judged him completely wrong. Chris was such a sweet and pure person that she welcomed him in the family easily. He just wanted to be loved. He was a young boy that needed love and he found it in her family.

“Hey!” She heard a voice and she looked back with her arms crossed around her chest. “She left?” Brenda asked.

“No.” Millie smiled. “She went for an ultrasound.”

“Good because I have her suitcases in the trunk of my car.” Brenda explained smiling. “She is coming home with Chris…”

Millie nodded. “Yes, she is. It’s where she belongs.”

“I hope they can work things out.” Brenda said. “They have been rather lost…”

“You knew about the baby?” Millie asked and Brenda nodded. “Of course, you knew. She had to talk to someone…”

“I have always told her to tell him.” She clarified. “But Ellie didn’t want to see him…”

“I think they were both waiting for the dust to settle down. The fact that none filed for divorce shows it.” Millie said and Brenda nodded. “I think they are going to be fine.”

“Is the ultrasound taking long?” Brenda asked, changing the subject. “I need to go to work.”

“They will be back in a couple of minutes. How have you been?” Millie asked for it had been a while since she had last seen Brenda.

“I’ve been good.” Brenda sat on the couch and they continued talking while waiting for Chris and Ellie to come back.

In the meantime, at the examination room, Chris was sitting by Ellie’s side feeling his heart pound with such strength that he thought it was going out of his chest. Then, he felt her hand reaching his and their eyes locked as their fingers intertwined. They both smiled shyly at one another and Ellie thought her heart beat was audible for it was beating so strongly inside of her. Then, the doctor spread the gel on her belly and she began the scan.

“Look at the screen.” Ellie told him for Chris still had his eyes locked on her and he did so. Ellie looked at it too.

“There it is.” The doctor pointed.

Ellie felt her hand being squeezed that moment and she turned her head to look at Chris, who had his eyes swimming in tears and locked on the monitor. His eyes were the essence of his soul. It was not the shape or even the color, it was the love shown in them. His upper lip trembled softly.

“Is that legs and arms?” He asked with shaking voice and gulping a little in the end.

“It is.” The doctor said. “It’s forming… it doesn’t have fingers or toes yet… but that’s the arms and legs.”

“God…” He whispered cleaning his face with his free hand. He had tears running down his face.

“Let’s hear the heartbeat?” The doctor asked and he nodded unable to speak.

Ellie was crying too. Sharing that moment with him was too much. She had dreamed with that moment since she found out about the pregnancy and she was finally sharing it with him. The doctor turned the sound on and a fast heartbeat began to be heard. DU_DUN DU-DUN DU-DUM…

“It’s strong.” He said with trembling lips. “I am so sorry…” Chris said feeling embarrassed for not holding it together.

“It’s natural!” The doctor smiled at him. “It’s your child after all.”

“It’s my child.” He whispered with his eyes completely locked on the screen where a tiny life was seen growing inside Ellie’s body. “It’s ours…” He corrected then looking at her and Ellie nodded.

“It’s ours.” She whispered.

“Well… I am liberating you. You can go home.” The doctor got up and gave her some paper so she could clean the gel from her body. “You heard me… not walking long distances or standing for long. You can walk around the house but that’s just about it and then sit.”

“I’ll do so.” Ellie said sitting.

“I want to see you in two weeks. I’ll leave it scheduled in the reception and they will call you, ok?”

Chris held Ellie’s hand to help her sit back on the wheelchair. “So… I can go home?” She asked.

“Yes.” The doctor confirmed. “Go get dressed and grab your things. While you do that, I will deal with the bureaucracy.”

“Thank you so much.” Chris told her.

“I’ll call a nurse…” The doctor said.

“No…” Chris said. “I’ll push her. It’s ok.” The doctor nodded.

Chris opened the door and pushed Ellie out to the corridor that led her back to the room where she had spent the night. Ellie looked back at him to find him looking down at her with his amazing blue eyes. Chris’s were blue like the sea. Crystal clear blue- sparkling and thundering and stirring. That type of blue. The blue that made Ellie believe he had his own sky inside of him.

“Let’s go home, Chris.” She smiled.

“Yeah…” He smiled back at her. “Let’s go home.”


	4. Chapter 4

When Chris opened the door of their apartment and Ellie got inside, she thought she was going to breakdown. She felt happy but no one could tell for it was hidden under the surface together with her anxiety for she could feel the fear in her chest waiting to take over. The biggest doubt assaulted her mind: What if it didn’t work? What if things still didn’t work? Her doubts flying around inside her head in seconds but she decided to take control of her emotions and in instants she remembered the baby she was expecting and the love they felt for one another. Ellie took a deep breath and began to look around. Everything looked exactly like the day she left, even her art books were still on the coffee table in front of the couch.

“I left them there…” Chris spoke behind her and she looked back at him to find his eyes on her. “… I didn’t know where you wanted to keep them.” He added.

“It feels like I haven’t been here in forever.” She whispered turning around to look at their living room once more and stepping inside.

She heard the door of their apartment close behind her and Chris put her two suitcases on the light wooden floor and grabbed her hand.

“You better not stand there.” He told her holding her hand and guiding her to the couch. Ellie sat like he had intended her too.

“Everything is so tidy.” She smiled and Chris smiled back and shrugged.

“I have been paying someone to clean it.” He confessed.

Their apartment wasn’t big. It had a living room and a kitchenet, two bedrooms and a bathroom. A balcony in the living room and another on the bedroom that used to be theirs. The living room was the biggest space in the apartment. Their couch was black and the carpet in front of it was dark gray. The curtains that covered the two large windows were white with shades of gray. In front of the kitchenet there was a counter with stools and some lamps hanging over it. They had also had a table with four chairs. The kitchenet had a glass wall on the side with an amazing view to the park. It had a door that looked like part of the cabinet but in truth was a door that led to their laundry where they kept a washing and drier machine and all the detergents.

“Chris…” Ellie called him after a few seconds of silence while she let her eyes wander over their place remembering how every little detail in that apartment had been chosen and decided by them “Can we talk now?” She asked him. He looked away from her. “Chris?” She insisted and he looked at her there.

“No.” He shook his head and got up from the couch. “Now…” He approached her and pulled a white cushion and made her lie down. “You are going to rest.” He smiled, but Ellie knew he was just avoiding the subject.

“I am fine sitting.” She protested though.

“Lie down, come on.” He insisted and Ellie shut up. 

She adjusted the cushion under her head better and just complied with his request. There would be no use to try to talk to him when he had made up his mind about not doing so. She surrendered but not for good. She would go back there.

“But we can talk.” She said then. “Come on…” She tried one last time.

Chris crouched to be at her eye level and patted her hair. “ Rest a little, alright.” He said sweetly.

“You are running way.” Ellie whispered. “I know you…” She stretched a hand and rested it on his face, looking directly in his eyes that had a sort of begging glare in them. “Chris, please talk to me.” Ellie asked him. “You told me things yesterday that got me worried.”

Chris rested his hand on top of hers and then brought it to his lips and kissed her palm and rested it back on his cheek.

“Get some rest.” He insisted. “You just got here.” Chris bent over her and pressed his lips on her forehead. “I need to take care of a few things for the band, alright?”

Ellie nodded. She knew he wouldn’t talk if he had decided not to. Chris got up and smiled down at her.

“I am in the bedroom. Call me if you need me.” He told her before he left her alone.

Ellie didn’t answer. She raised both arms above her head and relived his words inside her mind with her eyes fixed on their white ceiling. His words hadn’t been random. His face while saying them or even his body language showed tension. Ellie recalled him taking his hands to his head and closing his eyes while saying that he was so confused. Tears came to her eyes. Chris was going through something. She was so sure about it was though. Maybe it was about them, but to her it didn’t seem like it was. He mentioned being tired of Seattle and proposed they would go away. No… there was something going on inside his mind and she needed to make him talk to be able to help him. Chris seemed so distressed while saying all these things… Ellie took a deep breath to try and relax.

When she got out of her inner thoughts, she could hear him talk on the phone inside the guests room. He was talking low, probably to make as little noise as possible to let her rest. He was thoughtful like that. He had always been so caring and attentive with her. She knew she was always his priority as he was hers. It was with his soothing distant voice as lullaby that she started feeling her eyelids incredibly heavy and her eyes started shutting down.

In the bedroom, Chris walked around with his wireless white telephone on his ear. He was talking to Kim about details for the upcoming tour. Their album was selling well and they would have to tour. Many things should be discussed but in his mind, he had now a much bigger reason to stay than to go but he didn’t want to leave his bandmates hanging. He had a commitment with them that he had to comply with and at the same time he had now Ellie pregnant and when he weighted the two, Ellie and the baby came first.

“Why are you talking so low?” Kim protested on the other side. “I can barely hear you.”

Chris closed his eyes and took a deep breath. First, he thought about coming up with an excuse but he knew that wasn’t a choice. Their bandmates deserved the truth. They were not only his bandmates; they were also his friends and Ellie’s. But they would assume they were together and as much as he wished it was like that, it wasn’t the case yet.

“Ellie is resting.” He said though.

“Ellie?” Kim ended up sitting on a stool and smiled. “Ellie is there? Fuck…Chris… that’s wonderful!” He almost yelled of pure happiness for his friend.

“Yeah…” Chris stuttered a bit. “She was in an accident and she needs caring, you know.”

“But she’s there!” Kim insisted. “With you! Why are you sounding so fucking helpless?”

“We are trying.” Chris confirmed. “Fuck…” He sat on the floor and crossed his legs. “I know this is going to take some time.” He started spilling his feelings out. It was Kim he was talking to after all. When Ellie left the house, Kim was his biggest support. “I asked her to come home and she accepted. We are not together but we are working on it.”

“Chris…” Kim curled an eyebrow though the other could not see it. “How come you are not together…” Chris interrupted him.

“We are not even sleeping in the same bedroom!” He exclaimed.

Chris decided not to mention the baby because he didn’t know how Ellie felt about letting their friends know about it. He has always heard it was good to wait until the end of the first trimester to deliver the news and she was only ten weeks pregnant, so he decided not to say anything.

“It might be.” Kim nodded and then sipped on the bottle of beer he had on the other hand. “It might look like it but she came back home with you. That means a lot my friend. You are together. Frail… broken… picking up pieces… reconnecting… but you are together. She came back home. Hold on to that.”

He smiled. Then, he reached for his pack of cigarettes, opened it, and took it to his mouth, grabbing one with his teeth and pulling it out. Then, he grabbed the lighter and fired it, taking a long drag, and then blowing the smoke away.

“This is why I needed to talk to you guys.” He said reaching for the ashtray and dragging it nearer him. “She needs to rest for two weeks and I would like to be here, you know…” His voice failing in the end.

“You mean not rehearsing these weeks?” Kim asked him.

“I know it’s bad.” Chris admitted blowing more smoke away. “But I need this, Kim. I need to be with her. It’s important. If I am going to close myself in the studio rehearsing the whole day and leave her alone, I am not working on anything. I am going to make her feel abandoned.”

“Have you talked to her about this?” Kim asked him. “Or is it something you are creating in your head?” He knew Chris could take things to a whole new level sometimes and Ellie was so important to him that he would sacrifice anything.

“We didn’t talk about it.” He admitted. “But it’s something I want to do for us. I want to stay with her.”

“We have a tour coming…” Kim said.

“I know and we will be fine. I promise.” Chris insisted.

“Talk to Ellie.” Kim advised him. “She has always been very supportive. I am sure she is not expecting you to stop all your activities.”

“Kim… it’s different this time.” Chris tried to reason him but without telling him the whole truth he knew it would be strange.

“Ellie knows what you do. She supports what you do.” He insisted. “I am not going to be the one to say I don’t agree with this because I am your friend and I know you’ve been into deep shit since she left, so I do understand what you want to do. But… Chris? I don’t think Ellie expects you to change your life. She knows we have a tour coming soon…”

Chris blew the last smoke of his cigarette away and pressed the butt on the ashtray.

“Let me go now. I am going to check on her.” He told him.

“Go…” Kim smiled. “She is back, Chris. See it that way.”

“Thanks.” He smiled shyly.

They said their good byes and hung up. Chris got up from the floor and left the telephone on the bed. He then opened the window and pulled the curtains so the outside air could purify the one inside the bedroom polluted by his cigarette. Thankfully, the rain had stopped for a while but he felt the chill breeze invading the space and he knew soon he’d have to turn the heaters on. It was getting too cold. Finally, he left the bedroom and went to check on Ellie, to find her sleeping peacefully. He grabbed the pink blanket that was in the rocking chair near the bookcase and covered her and then crouched watching her. Her chest rising and falling quietly as she breathed deeply and her hair was partly covering her face. Gently, he pulled the wild strands off her face so he could have a perfect view of her beautiful traces. Being away from her made him realize it was never the physical love that made it special, though it was magical when they made love or kissed. For them it was something different, it was a connection between two souls. Chris smiled softly at his realization and bent over, pressing his lips on her temple, and lingering for a couple of time, inhaling her scent. He closed his eyes as he did so. He missed everything single detail of her, even her insecurities and her flaws. None of them were perfect but they were perfect together. Chris pulled away and looked at her face.

“I love you, Ellie.” He whispered and then kissed her on the temple again and got up, leaving her sleeping.

When Ellie opened her eyes, it was dark outside. She frowned at her realization and then raised her head to see that she was covered with a blanket. A soft smiled formed on her lips at the sweet realization. Chris and his sweet gestures.

“God…” She rested back on the cushion and stretched a little to shake away the laziness installed in her body. Then, she realized how the apartment was so quiet. Everything was silent. “Chris?” She called right after. Ellie sat on the couch carefully and then called him again. “Chris?” 

She heard noise in the corridor that led to the bathroom and the bedrooms and she looked back. Chris appeared running a towel over his hair. He had been showering. His curls all wet and he had changed to shorts and a long sleeve shirt.

“Are you ok?” He asked when he got near her.

“I am.” She smiled. “I was just seeing if you were around. Everything was so quiet.”

Chris sat on the couch and continued drying his hair. “I was not going to leave you here alone.” He told her.

“You smell good.” She said and a soft smile crossed his lips as he heard her words.

“Thanks.” He told her with his shy mode but daring her with his sweet blue gaze

“I have been sleeping for long…” Ellie said pointing to the window where a dark sky could be seen.

“A couple of hours.” He confirmed. “Are you hungry?”

Ellie nodded. “Can you order pizza?”

He smiled at her, putting the towel by his side. “Is that what you want to have?” Ellie nodded with sparkling eyes. “What pizza?” He asked after still giving her his lovable smile.

“Double cheese…” She rolled her eyes. “Please… it has to be double cheese…” She repeated and he cracked a laughter.

“What else?” He asked amused and pulling a strand of her dark hair behind her ear. Ellie didn’t pull away. “Any other special request?”

“Pepperoni and mushrooms and pineapple…” Hearing pineapple in that combination made Chris make a face. “What?” She asked him serious.

“Pineapple…” He raised both his eyebrows. “Are you sure? It doesn’t look like a good combination.”

“Can’t you take the pineapple away?” She asked him, lowering her tone, and giving him the puppy eyes.

“Alright.” He agreed and nodded. He would never say no to her.

Ellie bent over him and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you.”

The simple touch of her lips on his cheeks sent electric chocks over his body. He wished that moment to turn his face and kiss her on the lips, but he would hang in there. He would give her the time she needed and that he wished it would be short.

“I’ll go order it.” He said though, turning his face to look her at and finding her still near. Ellie didn’t move and neither did he. “I left the telephone in the bedroom.” Chris said in a low tone, looking in her eyes.

“Go get it…” She whispered. 

However, they were mesmerized looking in each other’s eyes and didn’t move for a few seconds. Ellie was dying to kiss him. She could feel her inner energy pulling her to him and her mind telling her to stay put. So, trying not to deal with her conflicting feelings, Ellie got up carefully and immediately he held her in his arms for support. 

“What are you doing?” He asked her right after.

Ellie looked up to find his eyes again so close. She shivered once more at the sudden near encounter. It wouldn’t be easy to be that near him when she loved him and desired him that much.

“I want to have a shower too.” She told him. “I need to search for a pajama in my suitcases.” She pointed at the door where he had left them.

“I’ll do that.” He said pushing her down to sit. “Sit, Ellie.”

“I can stand for short periods and walk!” She protested while he walked away. Ellie looked back at him for he had completely ignored her. “You heard me! I hate it when you do that.” Ellie protested again. “Chris?” She called him.

Chris crouched near her bags and smiled hearing her. How he had missed to have her around.

“Chris… I am talking to you.” She said. 

Ellie was also smiling. She loved to tease him. There, he looked at her. She noticed his teasing smiled on his lips but said nothing. All she felt was her love bubbling inside of her strong and wanting to be set free.

“You are going to stand while you shower. That is enough time.” He told her and then he turned again to look inside her suitcases. “Which one do you want?” Chris asked as he found the pajamas spot.

“The pink one.” She said for she was seeing it from the couch and she knew he adored that silk pajama. It was not a random choice. On the contrary, it was to trigger memories on him.

Chris took it off and rested it on his legs. “Anything else?”

“I need some panties.” She smiled for he wasn’t seeing her. 

Ellie saw him make a fleeting pause but what she wasn’t seeing is that he was also smiling, just like her.

“Which ones?” He whispered.

“Are you spotting my lingerie?” Ellie asked and he nodded.

“It’s right in front of the pajamas.” He said, knowing she was teasing him.

“Then, choose the one you like the most.” Ellie said clearly provoking him. Chris smiled again and she did too, though none could see one another.

He grabbed her white lace set. “Here.” He said trying to sound normal when he was heating inside. 

“Thank you.” Ellie said taking the clothes in her hands and standing carefully. 

She began to walk slowly and putting her feet on the floor carefully. Her heart racing a bit for their little provocation. How she wanted to make love to him…

“Don’t take long.” He warned her as he turned the TV on.

“Are the towels on the same spot?” She asked when she reached the corridor. Chris looked at her.

“Everything is as you left it.” He said quietly.

“Chris… the pizza.” She reminded him giggling.

“Oh fuck… yeah…” He said getting up from the couch and walking towards her direction to grab the telephone from the bedroom.

After fifteen minutes, Ellie came back to the living room in her silk pink pajama and her hair still wet and her vanilla scent perfuming the space. Chris had missed her scent around the house. Ellie always loved fruity fragrances for her hair or for her body. She usually alternated between vanilla and cocoa, but it was the cocoa that used to stir him the most for it’s usually in her hair. As she sat by his side on the couch, he turned his head to her.

“They say it’s going to take a while because of the rain.” Chris told her. “Are you cold?” He asked right after as he saw her pull the blanket over her.

“No…” Ellie smiled at him. “It’s just comfier this way.”

Outside, the wild rain was washing the city again. The strong thuds that tapped on their double glass windows were deafening. The thick rain drops were visible around the street lamp they had in front of their balcony. Everyone was at home that night for the lights in the building across the lawn were all on. The weather was not encouraging to be outside for sure, and to think it had started sunny. Inside their house though it was warm. The TV was on and Chris had been watching the news. They were forecasting the weather at that moment and announcing more rain.

“And it rains in Seattle.” Ellie joked.

“Nothing new.” Chris giggled.

There, she looked at him. “Chris…” Ellie called him softly. “Can we talk now?”

His semblance changed. Chris became serious. He lost the smile on his lips, but he stared back at her, looking in her eyes.

“I don’t want to, Ellie.” He confessed and then shook his head lightly. “I know I said a few things last night…” Ellie interrupted him.

“It was not a few things, Chris.” She dragged her body closer to his. “You said some serious things and I am worried. What’s happening?”

Chris shook his head again. “Ellie… no… please.” He begged her in the end. 

Ellie could see from his expression, from the way his eyebrows came together as he frowned and the way the lines around his lips became rigid, that he was disturbed and it made her heart ache. All that hurt him hurt her too. It had been like that since she fell in love with him. She would do anything for him and she knew he would do anything for her too.

“You said you were not doing drugs…” She started, trying to help him narrow the subject. “Is it alcohol?” Ellie asked.

“No.” Chris shook his head vigorously with his eyes closed. “I don’t drink more than I used to!” He exclaimed. “Nothing has changed.”

Ellie exhaled deeply feeling relieved. Chris was not a heavy drinker at all. He’d have the occasional beer or his favorite Jack Daniels. Sometimes he’d drink a little bit more in a party or after a show, but he was not an alcoholic. Far from that. Since excessive alcohol was also out of the picture, she decided to be straight forward.

“Then why did you propose we’d leave Seattle when we have our life here? I mean… I could find another job elsewhere, it’s true. But you…” Ellie pointed and Chris got up from the couch and span around which caused Ellie to shut up. 

His sudden reaction made her stop and she simply looked at him as if she was waiting for something. His gesture showed desperation. She knew him that well. He was struggling hard.

“Babe…” She called him feeling her heart being squeezed. “Please… tell me…”

“I have been having panic attacks!” He finally blurted gasping. His chest raised and fell fast for he had gotten nervous. “It’s the fucking panic attacks…” He took both his hands to his face as if hiding.

“Oh…” Ellie got up and went to him, taking her hands of his face and holding both his hands in hers. “Hey…” She said looking in his blue eyes sweetly and trying to calm him down. “Let’s talk… we talked about this many times…”

“Oh Ellie…” He whispered.

Ellie set one of her hands free and rested on his cheek, caressing him.

“It’s ok, babe.” She assured him and then held back his hand.

She has always known Chris suffered from anxiety and depression ever since he was fourteen years old. He told her his whole story. He also told her about the drug abuse that started when he was twelve and continued until he was fourteen, when he tried acids and had such a bad trip that he stopped doing drugs. But after the drugs, he developed agoraphobia and barely left the house which led him to isolation. He had no friends during this period and had had his first panic attack during this period. His mother had taken him to the hospital back then.

“How bad has it been?” She then asked for they have both turned silent.

“Enough to scare me…” He answered. “I only have bad memories here…” He continued.

Ellie pulled him to sit back on the couch and he did so. Then, they looked back at each other and she spoke.

“It’s not true.” Ellie began and cupped his face with her hands. “We met in this city. We got married in this city. We made a baby in this city. Your band… you love your band… is in this city…”

“I lost you because of the band.” He argued there.

“I am here.” Ellie claimed. “I am here…”

“But we are struggling so much! Because I was at a fucking gig and somehow a stupid girl thought she could assault me like that!” He raised his tone showing all his anguish. “Ellie…” He looked at her with that sweetest gaze of his that made her melt. “I swear my love… I was caught off guard. It was so sudden and you appeared right on that moment. I cannot explain how she got inside. I don’t know…” His voice failed there and his eyes became blurred with tears. “I am not lying, Ellie.”

“Ok.” She nodded. “Ok… I have heard you and I think we should not speak about this anymore.”

“But Ellie…” He argued. “This caused you to leave!”

“But I need to forget for good and if we keep bringing this up I will only relive it in my head time and time again. I don’t want that. I want to let go.”

“I understand.” 

“I am here. I came back home and we are having a baby… “ She paused there to smile at him for he had shot her the sweetest smile ever. “We need to reconnect and talking about that stresses me.”

“But do you believe in me?” He asked her.

Ellie nodded. It was a true gesture. For the first time she was hearing him the right way and not just corroded by hurt and jealousy.

“It’s important that you believe in what I say.” He insisted.

“I am so sorry…” Ellie said. “… I know I brought us all this hurt…” Chris covered her mouth with his hand.

“Sush.” He whispered. “Now I am the one that tells you that I don’t want to hear about it anymore.”

“Was it because I left that the panic attacks started, Chris?” Ellie asked him.

“I can’t tell.” He shrugged lightly. “It might be a bit of everything…”

“What is everything, babe?” Ellie asked him.

“I feel like I am suffocating. This pressure of touring and recording and no one liked us and now a bunch of people likes us and these demands…”

“You worked for it.” Ellie reminded him. “You worked for all that.”

“I know.” He looked in her eyes. “But everything around us now is so rotten. I mean…”

“Are you talking about Andy?” Ellie perceived.

He stayed quiet and looked down at his hands for a few seconds, then he looked at her.

“It started with him, yes.” He confirmed. “We were a bunch of guys doing music and having so much fun and we were on our shell and Andy’s death broke that shell. It showed all of us the sudden reality. Layne is doing drugs. His girlfriend is doing drugs. It’s not so innocent anymore. It’s not a couple of joints the way we used to get stoned. It’s hard drugs… “

“I understand.” Ellie nodded.

Ellie knew he was still struggling with Andy’s death and it had triggered a bunch of collateral thoughts in his mind. That together with her departure it triggered all his unbalances. It was up to her to help him and she knew she could.

“I know you do.” Chris smiled softly. “Fuck… I am so happy that you are here, babe.”

Hearing his words, Ellie threw her body against his and wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him as closer to her as she could. Chris didn’t take long until he wrapped his arms around her too and buried his nose in her hair, inhaling deeply the scent he had missed the most. In her arms, he found a sudden peace, a calming of the storms inside his head and inside his heart. His body melting into her arms and his every muscle lost its tension. Ellie closed her eyes soothing in his warm embrace. She always felt so protected with his big and strong arms wrapped around her body. The world around her melted away that moment as he squeezed her back and she didn’t want to pull away. She didn’t want that moment to end.

“I love you my sweet girl.” He whispered after a long minute of pure silence.

“And I love you.” She said and then kissed his temple. “You know…” Ellie pulled away and looked in his eyes, caressing his face with both hands. “Brenda told she’d bet we would reconciliate tonight, you know…”

Chris smiled knowingly. “We can’t have sex.” He said right after.

“She didn’t know that.” Ellie smiled too.

“I could kiss you though…” He whispered.

“Do so...” Ellie whispered back.

Chris cupped her face between his hands and approached his face to hers. When their noses touched, he made a small pause to look in her eyes. Suddenly, he felt her nervous for she was gasping a little. When he rubbed his nose on hers to quiet her racing heart, Ellie closed her eyes expecting his next move and Chris approached his lips to hers. As she felt his warm breath against her lips, her heart skipped a beat. His eyes closed before the ultimate touch and just then the doorbell rang and their eyes flew opened. He rested his forehead against hers.

“GO AWAY!” He yelled.

“Pizza.” The boy yelled from the outside.

“Yeah… I figured that shit out.” He whispered. 

They smiled at one another and Chris pulled away and got up.

“Fuck this shit.” He muttered as he walked to the door.


	5. Chapter 5

Lying on her bed, Ellie was hearing the thunders that roared strongly outside throughout the storm that was hitting the city. She had closed the blinders and yet she could hear how the rain tapped strongly and disorganized against it. Before every thunder, a light would infiltrate the bedroom through the window, giving it a dim clarity and right after it, it seemed the sky was falling apart. Yet, despite all the commotion happening outside, it was not the rain or the thunder or the lightning that was keeping her awake. The fact that she was in her bedroom, in her bed and Chris was sleeping somewhere else was keeping her awake. Her body was there but her mind was across the corridor in the other bedroom, in the other bed. She turned from one side to another trying to find a comfortable position and closed her eyes many times in an attempt to sleep, but she’d open them right after.

“Shit…” She whispered and lied on her back, staring at the ceiling though she could not see it in the dark.

After a few seconds, Ellie pulled her covers away and walked up to the door. She held the door’s knob and pulled it really carefully not to make any noise and then opened the door and peeked. Chris had the door slightly opened, but his room was dark and she concluded that he was probably sleeping. She took a deep breath and turned around to come back to her bed, but she stopped half way there and looked back. She shook her head and went back to the door and got out of the bedroom, stopping at the corridor in front of Chris’s door. Her mind was killing her… her feelings were speaking louder than anything else.

Chris tensed on the bed as he felt her presence by the door. He had heard her go back and forth though she was trying to be silent. When he heard her going back, the hint of hope he had that she would enter the bedroom and join him was lost. He pulled the covers up until his neck and closed his eyes, but he was unable to sleep knowing she was just across the corridor. Then, he felt his door cracking open very gently and his heart skipped a beat right there. He didn’t move for he didn’t know if she wanted him to know she had been there. He was almost sustaining his breathing and his hands were clutching onto the sheets very tightly. Much to his surprise, he felt a pillow landing on the bed and the covers being pulled away. His heart began to pound very fast and he bit his lower lip to contain his emotions and then he felt the mattress sink by his side as her body lied down next to his. Chris didn’t move but his chest could burst at any moment.

“Chris…” Ellie whispered.

For a moment, he doubted if he should reply or not. Maybe she was just making sure he was sleeping for he had his back turned at her. However, Ellie called him again.

“Chris… are you sleeping?” She whispered.

“No.” He finally replied and turned on his back, feeling his hand land on hers.

“I don’t wanna sleep separated.” She told him, holding the hand that had fell on top of hers. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“Then we don’t.” He responded sweetly in the dark.

“Ok.” She said.

“Ok.” He said.

“Do you have any clothes on?” She asked then which caused him to giggle. “I am serious…” She told him when she heard him giggle.

“I am in shorts and a shirt.” He responded in a joyful tone. “Is that good enough?” Chis asked and she recognized his mocking tone.

Ellie smiled. “Don’t mock me.” She told him.

“Come here, babe.” He asked her, dying to feel her wrapped around his body. 

Ellie flew to him in no flat time. She wrapped her arms around his torso and rested her head on his chest, confirming he was wearing a shirt. Then, he kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes while Ellie was hearing his heart beating fast inside his chest. Hers was the same. She raised her head and placed a kiss on his chest and then closed her eyes.

“Goodnight.” She told him.

“Sleep well.” He responded.

“Chris?” She called him right after.

“Yeah?” He responded, running his hands over her back, feeling the silk of her pajama slid smoothly under his fingers.

“If we are trying… then it really doesn’t make any sense to sleep separated.” She said.

“I think you’re right.” 

“Then kiss me good night…” She whispered.

Chris rolled her over, making Ellie land on her back on the mattress. His body fell half over hers and she felt the tips of his hair brushing her face. His hand grabbed her chin and soon she felt his warm breath close to her lips. She closed her eyes waiting for the contact. First, his lips brushed hers. Not innocently, like a tease but hot, fiery, passionate, and demanding. Next, he glued his lips to hers and her world fell away. His hand moved below her ear and his thumb caressed her cheek as their breaths mingled and her heart fluttered inside her chest. She ran her fingers down his spine as the kiss evolved. His lips so soft and his mouth so warm, it felt like magic. While their tongues intertwined, the world slowly disappeared around them. Chris felt everything being washed away. There was nothing but them that moment. All their worries were gone along with their troubles and their problems. Ellie made him feel like nothing else mattered but them. She was his safe place. Slowly, they pulled apart feeling the need to breathe, but Chris rested his forehead on hers with his eyes closed taking in that moment. Her fingers were playing at the back of his neck which caused him to smile.

“You’re tickling me.” He giggled.

“I missed you.” She responded instead.

“I missed you too.” Chris pecked her and then came back to his side of the bed but rested his arm around her waist like he always used to do. “Sleep well my sweet girl.”

“Sleep well.” She smiled. He then snuggled closer to her and kissed her shoulder.

“Ellie?” He called sweetly, resting his chin on her shoulder. 

“Yes.” She answered.

“Where is your wedding ring?” He whispered.

“In the pocket of my rain coat.” She told him. “I’ll put it back on tomorrow.”

“Let me put it back on your finger.” He told her and Ellie smiled.

“I’d like that.”

“Goodnight.” He raised his head off her shoulder and bent over to kiss her cheek.

“I love you.” Ellie told him.

“Me too.” He told her sounding already distant.

Ellie rolled on the bed and pulled the covers away as she felt too hot under the covers. She then tucked her pillow under her head and wrapped and arm around it. A scent of coffee invaded her nose though and she blinked a little and then opened her eyes. There was day light coming from the bedroom’s door that was not entirely shut. The noise of rain could still be heard tapping on the window but not as strong as when she moved to that bed. Slowly, she turned around to find Chris’s place empty and then she stretched on the bed trying to shake her sleep away. She rubbed her eyes one more time and then slowly, she sat on the bed and put her feet on the floor gently as the doctor instructed. She walked slowly to the door and when she opened it, she could hear noise coming from their kitchenet, but first Ellie went to their former bedroom and grabbed a rubber band from the chest drawer and caught her hair in a ponytail. Then, she went to the kitchen.

When she reached the end of the corridor, the living room’s entrance, she saw Chris near the stove cooking eggs and she smiled. He was barefoot, in black shorts, shirtless and his hair was tied in a major bun. He looked so amazing that she took a deep breath. It was when she started walking again that he acknowledged her presence. Immediately, a coy smile formed on his lips while he looked at her. His eyes still a bit swollen.

“Hey!” He told her not leaving the frypan where he was scrambling eggs.

“Good morning.” Ellie told him.

Then, she wrapped am arm around his waist and kissed his shoulder to which Chris responded by kissing the top of her head while wrapping an arm around her shoulders and bringing her against his chest. Her hand fell on his torso.

“This is not complying with our agreement.” She said running her hand over his tone chest. All the push-ups he did in the morning helped shaping his muscles lines.

“It’s too hot.” He smiled his teasing smile but looking down at the eggs.

“Because you turned the heat on.” Ellie told him.

“The house was cold already.” He argued. “Temperature has been getting down. I was thinking about it yesterday, actually.”

Ellie let her hand slid down his stomach, feeling each one of his abs and stopped when she reached the waist of shorts.

“Ellie…” Chris gasped and looked in her eyes. 

Ellie took the chance to peck his puffy lips. “What?” She asked after with her lips still glued on his.

His free hand took the frying pan off the stove for the eggs were ready, but the one wrapped around her pulled her even closer against his tall frame.

“Do not tease me.” He whispered, kissing her lips after. “Please…”

“I can’t do anything but I can do things to you.” She smiled defying him.

“Yes, you can.” He giggled. Chris placed a kiss on her forehead and pulled away. “Right now, you can join me on the table and have breakfast.” He held her hand. “Come… you need to eat.”

“Nice riddance.” She giggled while his hand held hers, walking slowly towards the table.

Chris made her sit at the table they had by one of the huge windows of their living room and then came back to grab the eggs. Ellie saw him grab a plate from the cupboard and put the eggs in it and then he came back to sit in front of her. On the table there was toasts, milk, coffee, orange juice, eggs, mushrooms, and grilled asparagus.

“You had a lot of work.” She commented.

“I made some of your favorites.” He smiled sweetly pointing at the mushrooms and the asparagus.

“It looks delicious.” Ellie told him. “Thanks, babe.”

Chris reached for her hand and their fingers entwined. Their eyes locked and they smiled at one another.

“I am still pinching myself.” He let out. “Am I dreaming that you are here?”

“I love you, Chris.” She pulled their hands up to her lips and kissed his hand, then rested it back on the table. “A lot, grunge boy. I love you a big bunch.”

“I love you too.” He told her with that glare that made her melt. “Let’s eat?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “In fact, I am starving.”

Their hands separated and they started serving themselves of some food. Ellie skipped the coffee because of the pregnancy but filled a glass with orange juice. When their plates had a bit of everything, they started eating.

“Are you going to meet the guys today?” Ellie asked him while chewing a small piece of asparagus.

“I told Kim yesterday that I was off these two weeks to take care of you.” Chris told her.

“But Chris…” Ellie rested her fork and knife on her plate. “Don’t you have a tour coming? Don’t you have to rehearse?” He nodded and sipped on his coffee. “And?” Ellie insisted.

“I want to be home with you.” He responded looking at her. “El, we are just getting back together. You had an accident and you need to rest. I don’t think it’s a good time to be out rehearsing. We need to reconnect, work on us.”

“You don’t have to be here 24 hours!” Ellie exclaimed. “Babe, you can take some hours to rehearse with them and then you come back home. It’s alright.” She said. “I don’t need you to stop your activities. I understand…”

“But what if you need me? What if something happens and you are here alone?” He argued. “Ellie you cannot move fast. You have to be careful with the little distance you can walk. Something might happen and you are here alone.”

“Nothing is going to happen.” She assured him. “You are going to call your bandmates and you are going to tell them you are going to rehearse.”

“What about us?” He asked. “Ellie… I don’t want to lose you…” Chris looked in her eyes. “I can’t bear it. I…” She interrupted him there. 

Ellie didn’t want him to distress or be nervous. He had told her he had been having panic attacks. 

“I am home, Chris.” She smiled. “We have time to do all that work you are talking about when you’re home with me. This tour is important.”

“We are more important.” He affirmed.

Ellie smiled. “I agree. I couldn’t agree more. We are more important than anything else, but we can have both. I assure you…”

Chris looked outside and fell silent. For a while he let his eyes travel around the little park they had in front of their building. The lawn perfectly cut and a couple of trees swaying with the wind. Some leaves falling down here and there, coloring the lawn with tones of yellow. Ellie knew he was thinking, so she let him be inside his mind and began eating again.

“While I go on tour, you are going to be here alone and pregnant.” He said after a while. Then, he looked at her.

“And we are going to be fine and waiting for you to come back. Chris… the baby and I are going to be fine. Fortunately, I have my family here and we have a bunch of friends. I know that it’s not the same thing. I’d rather have you here the entire time too, but it’s not possible, babe.”

“But I’m gonna miss part of the pregnancy. I’m gonna miss doctor’s appointments and I wanted to be part of it all.” He smiled at her. “It’s our baby…”

“I’ll keep you posted and I will tell you everything. We will talk on the phone for as long as we can and as many times as we can. I am here for you, Chris. I know you have to be away many times and I support you. Babe, it’s going to be alright. We can do this.”

“I feel like I am abandoning you and our baby. I don’t want to fail my child, Ellie.” He claimed and she knew where all that was coming from.

“You are going to be a wonderful dad.” Ellie told him. “I don’t doubt that and you are not abandoning us. You are working.”

“I want to make my child proud.” Chris smiled. “I want to be the father I never had.”

“Not for a second I doubt the great daddy that you are going to be. Now… you need to reschedule your rehearsals.” She convinced him.

“Alright.” He nodded. “I will stay home today though. But I will call Kim and tell them I will join them for a couple of hours.”

“Don’t tell anyone about the baby yet.” She asked. “I’d rather wait until the end of this trimester. I mean… you can tell your family.” Ellie’s voice was barely audible in the end.

“My family?” He curled an eyebrow and immediately looked away.

“Chris…” Ellie called him seeing he was avoiding looking at her

“When I see them, I will tell them.” He told her pouring more coffee in his cup. “You know how weird things are with them.” He added then looking at her. “I get along with my brother Peter and that’s pretty much it.”

“Then let Peter know and he will tell your mother.” Ellie insisted.

“Jesus, Ellie…” He gasped and looked away again. 

His eyes were looking outside but they were not really seeing anything. They were distant, Ellie could tell. She knew how much he struggled to have a normal relationship with his family and he failed at it, generating conflicting feelings inside of him and most of the time triggering sudden depression episodes.

“Babe… I know it’s so hard.” She reached for his hand, giving him some support. “But you need to free yourself of that burden, babe.”

“I wish it was that easy.” He whispered. “It’s not…”

“They were at our wedding.” Ellie claimed.

“And it was so awkward.” Chris’s eyes opened wide while saying so. “I know you think it’s so much easier if I let my family in but it’s not, El. My family is pretty fucked up as you know. You saw how that man entered our reception and almost ruined everything…” Chris shook his head. “It was our day, Ellie. Our day… my special day. I was getting married and he…” His voice failed and Ellie noticed how watering his eyes had become. She ended the subject right there.

“I am sorry.” Ellie held his hand. “I am sorry.”

“Maybe with time.” He told her. “I have a family now. I have you and we are expecting our first baby and that is what matters.”

“First?” Ellie curled an eyebrow.

“Well… I would like to have more than one.” He smiled.

“We will discuss that after the labor.” Ellie giggled.

“Are you done?” He asked her, seeing her plate was empty. Ellie nodded and pulled her chair to get up. “Hey…” He called her. “You stay put. I will take care of all this.”

“Chris!” She protested.

He got up and walked around the table, bending over her, and kissing the top of her head.

“You need to rest. Doctor’s words, not mine.” He said.

“Right.” She agreed.

Though she couldn’t walk around, she gathered all the cutlery on the table so it would be easier for Chris to take it all back to the kitchen. She stayed sitting watching him cleaning around the remains of cooking breakfast and putting all cutlery and porcelain in the dishwasher. They didn’t talk. Ellie knew he was probably reminiscing in the family subject, for Chris had recoiled in his own world as he did many times and she had learned to respect these moments of him. So, she stayed silent drinking in his marvelous figure and wishing she could erase all bad emotions from him. When he was done, she got up.

“I am going to grab some clothes. I need to take a shower.” She told him.

“Ok. Go slowly…” He smiled and gave her his arm so she could lean on him. “Not feeling any pain?”

“No. I am fine.” She smiled holding her gaze in his blue one. Chris bent over her and pecked her lips.

“Ok… I am going for a shower too and you be careful.” He pecked her once more and stopped when he reached the bathroom’s door.

“Got it.” She winked.

As Chris entered the bathroom, Ellie walked very slowly until she reached their bedroom. She crouched near the suitcases that Chris had taken to the bedroom the night before and grabbed a set of lingerie, a tank top, and her denim skirt. She hoped it would still fit, for her belly was no longer flat and it grew a little every day. Then, she disposed of her pajama and panties and left it all on her bed. Ellie smiled, grabbed her clothes, and walked to the bathroom in slow motion which made her lose her patience a little but she would not endanger her pregnancy.

When she entered the bathroom, Chris was in the shower. The air humid and foggy as he let the water run. Though he had acknowledged her presence, he continued rising his long hair under the cascade falling from the shower head. Ellie put her clothes on top of an armoire they had in front of the basin and stepped inside, holding him from behind and began to spread kisses along his small back and getting soaked wet too. Her hands that initially tugged on his chest began to slide down his torso, going over his abs and when she reached near his lower belly, his hands caught hers.

“Ellie…” He gasped.

“What?” She smiled against his wet skin, intoxicating herself in his fresh scent. “I miss you… I miss touching you… I miss your scent…” She said pausing for kissing his shoulders. 

Chris closed the water and Ellie walked around him, positioning herself in front of him. His eyes fell on her breasts and a wicked smirk formed on his lips. His eyebrow slightly curled.

“They’re bigger…” He told her.

Ellie held his hands and brought them up and rested them on her breasts. “Why don’t you touch them?” She asked looking his eyes. “But carefully because it hurts…”

His blue gaze had turned darker and his pupils constricted a little. His thumbs circled around her nipples and Ellie closed her eyes enjoying his almost shy touch. Suddenly, Chris left her breasts and she opened her eyes, but he cupped her face with his hands and glued his lips on hers. Immediately, Ellie wrapped her arms around his neck and her hands tugged on the back of his head with her fingers tangling in his wet curly hair. His arms enveloping her around her waist while his hands caressed her back. In didn’t take long until their tongues searched for one another and the turbulent kiss then turned slow and passionate. They kissed until they had to catch their breath.

“Shit…” Chris gasped still holding her face in place and his lips brushing against hers.

Ellie smiled for she was feeling him so hard against her belly.

“One of us can have it all…” She whispered and smiled.

“You don’t have to, babe.” Chris said sweetly. “It’s ok… I can wait two weeks.”

“Silly.” She told him.

Next, Ellie fell on her knees in front of him. She grabbed his hardness in her hand and looked up at him and smiled. Chris was looking down with a hand holding his hair back and the other on top of her head. First, she placed a soft kiss on the tip of his manhood that made him hiss low and close his eyes. With that simple caress she felt his whole-body quivering. He was not going to last long, she knew it. Then, she locked her lips around it and swirl her tongue around it like she was French kissing it and his hips bucked a little more.

“Ellie…” He moaned her name there with shaking voice. “Oh…”

Finally, Ellie hungrily swallowed him entirely and Chris emitted a loud groan and his member began to jolt inside her mouth as if it had a life of its own. 

“Fuck…” He whispered then, loving the feeling of being so deep in her throat.

Then, Ellie began to slide up and down, keeping her lips tightly wrapped around him, throat open, so he was being deepthroated repeatedly. Chris trembled every time he tilted the end and moaned at the same time. She knew he was already far gone for she could feel his orgasm beginning to rise.

“Oh, that’s it babe…” He groaned low as she kept on swallowing him.

Ellie cupped his balls with one hand and the other grabbed his ass cheek and held him close against her mouth. As she looked up at him, she found him with his eyes crammed shut, his eyebrows slightly furrowed and his lips a tad parted as he breathed heavily. Chris was groaning almost incessantly, and Ellie knew he was very close.

“Don’t stop now.” He asked her.

That made Ellie smile as she pulled her mouth away from him. She tugged a hand at the base of his throbbing erection and let the other play softly with his balls. She locked her lips around him one more time and begin to work on him with lips and her hands in synchronal movements. Chris threw his head back that moment and his entire body tensed.

“Oh fuck, yes.” He moaned in between his teeth, feeling he was about to explode.

Ellie never stopped. Her lips and hand coming back and forth and suctioning harder on the head. Her thumb pressing the inside of his hardness. Her other hand massaging his balls.

“Oh…” He groaned a bit louder. “I’m gonna come…” He told her. “Babe…”

A few seconds after his warning, Ellie felt his orgasm explode deep into her throat. Instead of pulling away and work on him with her hand, she kept him inside her mouth while swallowing again and again. Chris came so hard he didn’t utter a word but moaned out loud. Everything was just physical for his body jerked intensely while he released inside her mouth. Finally, when she felt him calm down and he had drained himself, she pulled away and looked up at him.

"Jesus…" He panted. “Fuck, babe…” He smiled down at her and then held her hand to help her stand and kissed her lips. 

“You had a lot of stuff kept inside.” Ellie smiled.

“It’s been two months.” He told her looking in her eyes and running his hand over her face. “I didn’t lie when I said I haven’t been with anyone else.”

“Not even with your hand?” Ellie curled an eyebrow and Chris ended up laughing loud.

“Have your shower and let’s get out of here.” He slapped her butt at the same time but softly. “You cannot stand for long, remember.?” Chris opened the water and put himself under it.

“Yeah…” She smiled. “Nice way of running away from my question.” Ellie told him while she put shampoo on her head and started washing her hair.

“The hand does not bring full satisfaction.” He told her getting away and putting her under the water. “Now, rinse yourself and get out of here.”

“I still have to wash my body.” She grabbed the shower gel.

Ellie saw him grab a towel and stick it against his chest as he stepped out of the shower and though the warm water falling over her body was feeling great, she knew she needed to sit or lie down again, so she closed the water. Immediately, Chris gave her a towel and she began to dry herself.

“Have you?” He suddenly asked and Ellie looked at him a bit lost while running the towel over her hair. “I mean… if you have, I understand… we were separated and all…” He began to ramble right after and she gave a step towards him.

“Chris…” She cupped his face within her hands and looked in his eyes. “I haven’t been with anyone these two months.”

“Sit here.” He then said pulling her to sit on the toilet. “It’s freaking me out that it’s been like at least 30 minutes since you’re standing.” Ellie giggled and he curled an eyebrow at her. “What?” He asked.

“Technically… I have been on my knees for quite a while…” She smiled. 

Chris crouched in front of her, resting his hands on her legs. “You always have something to say, don’t you?” He smiled.

“I am not lying.” She grabbed him under his chin and pulled him for a kiss.

“Now, get dressed.” He said when they pulled apart and put her clothes on her hands.

Ellie did so while sitting. At least, while putting on her bra and her black tank top. Then, she stood to put on her panties and her denim skirt, feeling satisfied that she could still wear it. Then she sat again and grabbed her hairbrush to do her hair.

“Looking good.” She said as she saw Chris in a white shirt and black jeans. To her eyes, he always looked good, but she loved to see him in black.

“Are you ready?” He asked her as he saw her put her hairbrush back on the basin.

“Yes.” She nodded.

Chris crouched and wrapped an arm under her knees, pulling her up. She protested.

“Chris!” She tapped his shoulder lightly. “You don’t have to carry me.” She said while he headed to the bathroom’s door.

“You’ve been standing for long.” He argued.

Ellie wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his lips over and over again while he began to smile as she did so.

“This is not such a bad idea after all.” She smiled against his lips and then smooched him one more time.

Chris stopped in the corridor. “Where to?”

Ellie looked in his eyes. “I would say to the bed, but as I cannot have my way with you, I choose the couch,”

“Like we haven’t done it on the couch a thousand of times.” He chuckled.

“I miss having you that way.” She said but not to tease him. Ellie was being honest, he could tell.

He sat her on the couch and then sat by her side and pressed his lips against hers and then rested his forehead against hers.

“I miss us that way too.” He told her while his thumb caressed her cheek.

“Go grab my wedding ring over there.” She pointed at the raining coat that was hanging near the door.

Chris got up and walked up to it and then searched inside the right pocket first and as he did not find it, he plunged his hand on the left one. He took his hand away and showed her a golden shining thing that he was holding between his thumb and pointing finger.

“Got it.” He said then, coming back to her.

Chris sat by her side again and Ellie extended her left hand at him. Their eyes locked that moment in an infinite love stare and she felt him hold her hand.

“Ellie…” He said and then he looked down at her hand and pointed the ring to her finger. Then, his eyes searched her again. “… you are my everything. You are my light, my best friend, my mentor…” He paused. “…my lover and my greatest challenge. You are the love of my life, Ellie. With you I am happy as I never thought I could be and I feel more love than I ever thought possible.” With that, he put the ring back on her finger.

“Oh Chris…” Ellie whispered with teary eyes and then glued her lips on his.

“I am going to love you until the end of my days.” She told him against his lips. “You can count on me always, babe. Always. I will always be by your side. I love you with my entire heart and soul.”

Their lips glued that moment and their arms wrapped around each other, obliging their bodies to glue too. As she felt the tip of his tongue demanding entrance, her lips parted and he leaped inside her mouth, where her tongue was so ready to receive his. His hands caressed her back and her hands the back of his neck while their tongues made love to one another slow and passionately.

“Don’t ever leave me again.” He whispered when they pulled apart, holding her hand against his chest.

“I won’t.” She promised.


	6. Chapter 6

After work, Brenda had stopped by to visit her friend knowing she was alone at home because Chris was out rehearsing with his band. It was cold outside. Ellie had been out on the balcony for a couple of minutes but couldn’t stay long as the cold breeze froze her bones and it made it impossible to sit and stay still. It was a sunny day though with a clean sky where only a few scattered clouds could be seen. It was not something common in Seattle during the fall. The city was known for being gloomy, but many times the sun would pay Seattle a visit during the colder seasons. Ellie was on the couch with her legs pulled up, while Brenda was sitting on the carpet. Both with a cup of tea in their hands, that Brenda had brewed, forbidding Ellie to be standing not even to do the honors.

“So, you two are together, together…” Brenda laughed as Ellie had just told her that they were sleeping in the same bed. “I told you, you would be fine right on the first night!” She teased her friend.

Ellie rolled her eyes while sipping on her tea with a soft smile on her lips. Then, she spoke.

“We can’t have sex.” She said to contradict her friend. She would not go into other details though.

“Oh…” Brenda laughed a little louder. “That is a bummer isn’t it, Ellie?” She mocked. Ellie threw her on of the cushions that Brenda stopped by raising an arm and laughed louder. “The truth always hurts!” She mocked her again. 

Ellie laughed though. “I know there is a bigger reason, but gosh…” She breathed. “I miss him! I miss making love to him…”

“Stay strong my friend.” Brenda reached out to pat her leg but Ellie could perceive her still mocking tone and rolled her eyes.

“I am serious!” Ellie laughed.

“I am too.” Brenda argued.

“Two weeks…” Ellie breathed. “Hopefully… let us hope it is just these two weeks.” She rolled her eyes. 

“How is he?” Brenda asked right after since Ellie had decided to move back in with him because she was worried about him.

“He is going through a phase.” Ellie said vaguely for she didn’t want to expose Chris’s problems openly.

“That bad?” Brenda asked as she noticed how Ellie’s semblance changed to a concerned one.

“You know how his mind can drift sometimes.” Ellie told her. “You have known him for quite some time.”

“I know…” Brenda nodded. “I think with you near, he might come back from the depths of his mind.”

Ellie nodded. “I hope so.” She whispered and then took a deep breath. “You know… sometimes I wish I could erase all bad that has happened to him and left such a mark on him. Chris could be such a bad guy, you know, considering all that he has been through, and he is not.” She paused. “He is so gentle and kind to everyone. Sure, he has a wild side…” She smiled tenderly.

“That he uses mainly on stage.” Brenda interrupted her. “He transforms himself! It’s like he is not even the same person.”

“True. “Ellie agreed. “Chris is quiet though. You know that.”

“Can you imagine if your child takes it after wild Chris on stage?” Brenda giggled and Ellie ended up doing so too.

“Oh… no…” She frowned after. “Can’t you see that even on stage sometimes he is deep inside his mind? He is in his own world…”

“He is a fantastic guy.” Brenda ended up saying. “I love him to death and I hated to see him so sad after you left. I am so glad you came back home.”

“I fear that all these things that he carries inside will take its toll on him someday.” Ellie relieved. “I don’t want him to suffer more…” Tears came to her eyes that moment and her lips trembled. “It hurts me so much when he is hurting. I feel his pain, B. I fear…” She breathed and then said no more. She just shook her head. “I don’t want to think about it…”

“Hey…” Brenda said trying to calm her down. Ellie began to clean her tears.

“I am sorry…” She smiled.

“I think you know how to deal with all his darkness, Ellie. Chris is always so smiley and happy when he is with you. He has his friends…”

Ellie interrupted her. “It’s not enough. He needs to forgive and let go. Otherwise, it will always haunt him.”

“You are talking about his family.” Brenda concluded.

Ellie nodded. “I know what he lived wounded him. It wasn’t easy at all. I don’t force him to relate to them but I think he suffers from not having that. His mother tries to approach him but he never lets her fully in. He only relates to Peter. I understand… he was the one always having his back. They really bond. But the rest is missing…”

“I think he is going to be a lovely father.” Her friend told her.

“I have no doubt about that.” She smiled tenderly. “I know Chris is going to be a wonderful dad. He was a wonderful boyfriend and he is a marvelous husband. Apart from this incident in our relationship, I cannot complain at all.”

“Have you guys talked about that again?” Brenda asked.

“Yes.” Ellie confirmed. “He explained one last time and we agreed we would not talk about it anymore. When we bring it up, it opens wounds . We are together. We are about to be parents. That is, it.”

“El…” Brenda called her and looked in Ellie’s eyes. “Tell me… it’s just us here… now that it’s been some time, do you really believe in him?”

“I do.” Ellie nodded. “My biggest mistake was to doubt his faithfulness. I never had anything on that matter to complain about. Chris always made me feel secure. I snapped. I was so jealous and hurt that I refused to listen to him.”

“Because it is important to make it work.” Brenda added. “I mean… to let go and forgive him…”

“We are on a good path.” Ellie smiled and rested her empty cup of tea on the coffee table.

Suddenly, they heard the front door opening and they turned their heads to it. Chris appeared holding two bags from the supermarket, one in each arm, and then kicked the door shut, throwing the keys on the phone table by the door.

“Hey girls!” He smiled and walked up to the kitchen part to leave the bags on the counter.

“How are you?” Brenda asked him.

“I’m cool.” He responded coming back. Part of his air held in a top bun. He hated his hair in front of his face. “Hey, babe.” He breathed bending over Ellie to kiss her lips. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.” She smiled. 

Then, he turned to Brenda and kissed her cheek.

“How’s that boyfriend of yours treating you?” He asked her.

“Very good.” She laughed. Brenda got up. “Well, since you are not alone anymore…” She told Ellie.

“You don’t have to leave.” Chris told her.

“I do.” Brenda nodded. “I think you two need all the time alone you can get now. Besides, my boyfriend is meeting me in my place in like…” She turned her wrist to read the time. “… 10 minutes.”

“Well… see you then…” Chris told her, giving her a hug.

“Take care of her.” Brenda tapped his face lightly.

“Always.” He responded.

Brenda then went to Ellie who had sat. “See you tomorrow girl.” 

“Thank you for coming.” Ellie told her wrapping her arms around her neck. After a tight hug, they pulled apart and Brenda started walking to the door.

“Love you.” Brenda smiled.

Chris got there first and opened the door for her. “Such a gentleman.” Brenda giggled.

“I do my best.” He smirked.

When Brenda was descending the stairs, Chris closed the door. He turned to Ellie and smiled sweetly and she smiled back at him.

“Come here.” She called him. He walked up to her and got on his knees in front of her.

“How was your day?” He asked reaching for the end of her shirt and pulling it up. Then, he placed two sweet kisses on her belly that made her melt instantly. “Hey, kid.” He whispered.

“My day was good. How about yours?” She asked caressing his face.

“Good too. I need to take a shower though.”

“No… no…” Ellie protested and pulled him to her. “I want a bit of you first.” She groaned a little with a shy smirk on her lips.

“Babe… I might stink…” He laughed as he was being dragged to her body. “I sweat like a pig during our rehearsal.”

“I don’t smell anything.” She pecked him.

Chris held her face between both his hands and pressed his lips against hers harder. While she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, she pulled him to her, making him fall on top of her body. For a few moments, their lips moved in perfect synch, slow and gentle. Then, his tongue lapped at her upper lip, begging to enter her mouth and Ellie obeyed. Her lips parted and his tongue slid in to encounter hers, making Ellie release a low moan. Their tongues tangled in a sweet passionate dance and she couldn’t but melt at the sensation of his warm and soft lips. They stopped for brief seconds and then he glued his lips on hers again and time stopped as they kissed slow and passionately. When they finally pulled apart, he rested his forehead against hers and a hand caressed her cheek.

“I missed you during the day.” He whispered sweetly, like only he could, against her lips and then pecked her. 

Ellie wrapped a leg around him, so they could fit better on the couch while he rubbed his nose on hers tenderly.

“I missed you to.” She said. “How was rehearsal?” She asked him.

Chris rested his head on her chest carefully not to hurt her, while feeling her fingers slid through his hair as she loved to do.

“We had a lot of work done.” He told her with his eyes closed, just enjoying that moment there with her.

“You be careful with those Guns n’ Roses chicks.” Ellie smiled. Though she couldn’t see his face, she felt him smiling.

“I don’t think they are going to be interested in us.” Chris told her. “They are all about Axl and his tiny shorts.”

Ellie giggled. “That’s because they haven’t seen you well.”

“Well…” He raised his head and supported his chin on his hand to look at her. “Too bad because I am married to this gorgeous girl that no one can be compared to.” Then, he ran his other hand over her belly and smiled. “This bump is the most beautiful thing ever.” He said so sweetly, Ellie felt her heart flutter.

“You need to think about names.” Ellie told him. He looked at her again.

“You are gonna let me choose?”

She nodded. “I think you will come up with a beautiful name.”

Chris bent over her and pecked her lips wetly. “Thank you.” 

Then, he moved away to get up but she pulled him down, wrapping her arms around his neck. Chris lied back down by her side and rested his head against one of the cushions, looking in her eyes.

“Someone is needy.” He smiled pulling a strand of her hair away from her face.

“Stay a little longer.” She dragged her face closer to his and Chris kissed her lips, resting his palm on her face as he did so.

“It’s so good to be here with you.” She whispered as their lips broke apart. Chris crossed a leg over her so he’d fit better on the couch.

“I am not going to deny that.” He pecked her again while his hand caressed her so softly.

They stayed there, sharing tiny kisses that then transformed in more demanding ones and alternating between the two. A set of smooches and then a long French kiss and so on.

“So… are we going to stay here like this…” He pecked her. “Just making out…” He pecked her again. “Not that I am complaining…” He smiled.

“You better go to your shower…” She giggled. 

“Oh yeah…” He laughed too. “Now that I am here all warmed up, you send me to the shower.”

“I am too…” She pouted. “God… these two weeks cannot go fast enough.”

Chris pecked her one last time and sat. “Oh…” He made a face and then got up trying to adjust his jeans.” Holy shit…” He laughed. “It hurts…” He winced a little while still giggling.

“Want me to take care of that?” Ellie sat too but carefully.

“No.” He said turning around to face her. Chris bent over her and placed two fingers under her chin to raise her face towards his. “You stay here resting and I am going to my shower and then I will cook us dinner.”

“Are you sure?” She bit her lower lip, looking at him with her killer innocent gray eyes.

“Don’t tease me.” He kissed her lips and then left to the bathroom. “You are a teaser Mrs. Cornell.” Chris yelled from the bathroom’s door.

“That’s because my husband is too hot.” She yelled back at him and smiling.

“Right…” He laughed and then she heard the bathroom’s door closing.

For a few moments, Ellie stayed there without knowing exactly what to do. She was so tired of being on the couch and of watching TV and it was just her second day. As she looked at the kitchen’s counter, she saw the supermarket bags that Chris had brought and she decided to store the groceries. She got up very slowly and began her slow pace until she reached the bags. She peeked inside to choose products that would go in the same place so she wouldn’t go back and forth too many times. She grabbed the yogurts, the milk and the orange juice and took it to the fridge. Then, she grabbed the cereals and some pasta and she took it to the cabinet where they storage the groceries. The cereals were on the first shelf where they also had cookies and sugar. Pasta was on the third shelf together with all sorts of pasta and rice. There was some meat, that she left on the counter by the basin, for she didn’t know which he wanted to cook for dinner and finally there was some oranges, bananas, and apples that she put in the fridge as well. Then, she looked inside the fridge for some greens but they still had a good amount and variety, so she closed the door and started walking back to the couch. 

Ellie looked outside seeing how the day was coming to an end. The blue sky was being replaced by a darker one shaded in orange stripes as the sun was about to set. It was a beautiful view. She loved the sky’s colors. Always have been a fan of it. Suddenly, she had the feeling that she had heard Chris calling her but she was not sure as it had been a sudden sound.

“Chris?” Ellie called out loud just to be sure he had called her but there was no response so she approached the corridor. “Chris, did you call me babe?”

“Ellie!” She heard him say her name rather loud, rather wobbling.

“Chris?” She called again but walking in the direction of the bathroom.

“Ellie…” She heard him call her with such despair that she wanted to run but she knew that she couldn’t.

“Babe… wait…” She told him. “I am almost there…” She said.

“Help me.” She heard him gasp.

“Fuck.” She muttered as she felt so impotent that time. 

Her eyes began to blur. She had a clue of what was happening for she had witnessed it before and she could recognize the shaking voice and the pleading in it.

“Babe, stay calm…” She told him. “Stay calm…”

Finally, she reached the bathroom and entered it to find him sitting on the bathtub, head buried between his legs. His body going back and forth and all his muscles trembling. Ellie didn’t think twice, she left her slippers aside and she entered the tub and kneeled in front of him.

“I am here…” She held his face and pulled it up. “Look at me… I am here…” He looked at her with an off glare but one that she knew too well.

“I can’t…” He gasped. “I can’t breathe…” His chest coming up and down franticly. “I can’t breathe…”

“You can…” She instigated him with soothing voice. “Come on… slow down…”

Chris shook his head. “I can’t…” He continued to overdo his respiration movements.

“Close your eyes, sweetheart.” Ellie asked him and he did so. “Now breathe in slowly…” 

She tried to help him but Chris was breathing too fast which would cause hyperventilation and consequently would aggravate his attack by adding vertigo and dormancy of his face and members.

“No babe… slow…” Ellie decided to make herself the same breathing exercise. “Now exhale…”

“My heart is beating fast.” He complained.

“I know.” She kissed his cheek. “Breathe slowly babe…” She whispered in his ear. “Inhale…” She waited a few seconds. “Exhale…” Ellie continued whispering in his ear as the doctors they had visited had taught her. “Inhale…” Then, she’d wait a few seconds. “Exhale…”

After a few minutes, Ellie began to realize the tremor on his legs was beginning to calm down. She began to spread tiny kisses on his cheek as he was doing the exercise alone by then. Tears came to her eyes as she remembered he had told her he had been having attacks and coping with them alone while she was gone.

“That’s it babe.” She told him trying not to cry. “You are doing great.”

After a few more minutes, Chris was breathing normally and all the tremors had stopped. She knew the attack was gone but she felt his shoulders shake and she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tight against her.

“It’s gone.” She caressed the back of his neck. “It’s gone sweetheart.”

“Why?” He said and she knew that he was crying. “Why?”

“Hey…” She pulled away and looked in his blue eyes. “Come on…”

“I…” He frowned. “I put you through this shit…” Chris shook his head and tears fell down his face. 

“Chris.” Ellie held his face between her hands. “Stop that. Stop it… it’s not your fault.”

“It was so sudden.” He began to tell her while she cleaned his face. “I was fine and then I just felt like I was falling into a black hole and I don’t control anything…”

“I know.” She kissed the tip of nose. “Let me rinse you.” She said. Ellie began to get up but he grabbed her hand.

“No… you can’t…” He told her. “You are pregnant and had an accident and I already made you come here…”

“I am fine and so is the baby… I promise.” She smiled at him. “Now, let go of my hand.” Chris looked in her eyes but did not let go. “Let go, Chris. I swear I am fine.” He nodded and let go.

Ellie grabbed the head of the shower and opened the water. “Stay sitting. Don’t get up yet.” She told him.

She began to pour water over him to clean the remains of the soap he still had here and there. Chris stayed quiet while she took care of him. He knew if he got up, that he would probably relapse and Ellie knew that too but he was corroding in guilt to make her stand there when she should be resting.

“It’s ok…” He said right after. “I am fine.”

Ellie closed the water and reached for the towel and wrapped it around his shoulders. Then, she sat in front of him. Her clothes drenched. She started rubbing his arms with the towel and Chris gazed at her without saying anything. 

“Can you grab that towel behind you?” She asked him.

Without saying anything, he stretched out his arm and grabbed a smaller white towel and gave it to her. Ellie put on his head and rolled his long hair in it and then smiled at him, trying to relax him. 

“How are you feeling now?” She asked him to make him talk.

“Like shit.” He responded rather moody, but she knew it wasn’t with her. It was his guilt for putting her through what he thought was his mess.

“But you don’t have to feel that way.” Ellie said. “Babe…” She looked in the eyes she loved above anything. “There is nothing to feel bad about.”

“Did you walk fast? Did you run to come here, Ellie?” He asked her instead.

Ellie shook her head. “No.”

“For real?”

“Yes.” She confirmed. 

“Fuck…” He whispered and rubbed his hands on his face.

Ellie took her hands to his and held them. “Can you get up?”

“I guess, yes…” He nodded.

Ellie let go of his hands and got up supporting herself on a wall and then she extended her hand at him to help him stand.

“I will do it by myself. I don’t want you do to any efforts.”

Chris supported himself on the wall as she did and got up, feeling his head still spin a little as he did so. His eyes closed shut that very moment and Ellie thought he was going to relapse, but a few seconds after, Chris opened his eyes again and nodded.

“I am fine.” He said, stepping out of the tub. Ellie did the same.

“I am going to get you pajama.” Chris told her. “You get rid of these clothes and please sit on the toilet while you wait.”

“Ok.” She nodded and sat.

Ellie saw him walk out the door supporting himself with a hand on the walls so he would feel secure. Her eyes flooded with tears that moment for she knew how much he suffered with those attacks. Not only mentally but physically too. Not wanting that he would notice her inflamed eyes, she cleaned them right away and took deep breaths to calm down and then began to undo her clothes and quickly run a towel over her body. By the time she was done, Chris was coming back with her pajama in his hand.

“Thank you.” She told him.

Ellie slid her shirt over her head and saw Chris leaning against the wall and putting on a pair of black shorts with no underwear, but it was usual when he was at home for him to do that. As she grabbed the pants of her pajama, he slid a tank top over his bare chest and then untied the towel of his head, letting his wet hair fall down his shoulders.

“Babe?” She called him when she saw him approach the basin that was by her side. Chris looked at her. “Is it all gone?”

“I guess.” He nodded. “I don’t feel dizzy now.” He responded.

Chris grabbed his brush and started unruly his hair. Ellie got up and wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed the back of his shoulder.

“I love you.” She said then, looking at him over the mirror.

“I could have not found a better wife than you, El.” He told her. “You are so amazing that sometimes I think I don’t even deserve you.”

“Yes, you deserve me.” She responded. “I am sorry… but I think you are stuck with me forever.” He smiled softly as he heard her and then turned around.

“Go back to the couch.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “I swear that I am much better now.”

“I will order dinner, ok?” She told him. “You are not going to cook. You are sitting with me and rest. I think you also need to rest.”

“Yeah.” He agreed.

“Come.” She gave him her hand and in her slowly pace, they made their way back to the living room.

Chris and Ellie sat on the couch and he grabbed the phone that was on the coffee table, and then he grabbed all the publicity they had of takeaways that was on the shelf under the table.

“What do you wanna order?” He asked with a bunch of papers in his hand.

“What do you prefer?” She asked back, turning the TV on.

Chris looked down at the papers and pulled out the one of the Chinese they had down their street. Their food was top quality and they have been regular clients since they had moved in.

“This one?” He showed her.

“Oh… I love their food.” She smiled.

“Would you like me to order that beef meat with oysters sauce?” He asked with a soft smile on his lips but his eyes looked so absent suddenly and the lines on his face showed so much fatigue that Ellie took the phone off his hands.

“Chris, are you really alright?” She pulled herself closer to him. “You don’t look fine sweetie… talk to me…”

“I just feel tired. That is all.” He placed a kiss on her forehead.

Ellie put a cushion on her lap and then tapped on it. “Come on, lie down a little. I will order our dinner.”

Chris did so, curling on the couch. His mind would always be so empty and his body so crushed after an attack that he really wanted to rest. Ellie turned the sound of the TV lower and then dialed the restaurant’s number. With her other hand, she caressed his head. She ordered her favorite dish as Chris had mentioned and she also ordered his which was the spicy shrimps. She added two spring rolls to it and two doses of rice. When she was done, she hung up and looked down at him. Chris had fallen asleep and Ellie stayed there caressing him.

“Oh, big guy…” She whispered. “What is upsetting you this much?”

Her hand still caressing him softly while his breathing became heavier and heavier as he fell into deep sleep. His chest coming up and down in steady moves and he finally looked peaceful.

“I love you.” She said pulling his hair away from his face gently. “I won’t let anything or anyone hurt you.”


	7. Chapter 7

The night had set outside, and a starry sky bathed Seattle and a shinning moon set still in front of their window. Chris was still asleep while Ellie watched the night news just with a reading lamp on so the room wouldn’t have extra light to disturb Chris. The TV was so low she could hear Chris’s heavy breathing as he slept off his exhaustion. Every now and then she would look down at him and slid her fingers through his hair gently. Chris didn’t even move and she was glad that he was resting a little bit. Maybe 45 minutes later after ordering dinner, the doorbell rang and Chris’s body jerked a little for having been abruptly disturbed and he opened his eyes slowly and then frowned.

“Babe?” Ellie said softly still running her fingers through his hair. “Our dinner is here.” She said as the doorbell rang a second time.

“Oh…” He complained a little and then sat, rubbing his face to shake the sleep away from him.

“Are you ok?” Ellie asked him as she put the cushion on her lap away and got up.

“I go there, sweetie.” Chris told her with a deep sleepy voice.

“No.” Ellie smiled down on him. “I go. I can walk to the door.” She told him beginning to walk as the doorbell rang a third time.

“Oh… motherfucker… stop ringing.” Chris complained wincing a little and Ellie giggled.

“We are taking a while to open the door.” She said pressing the button to open the door to the building.

Then, she opened the door of the apartment and waited. Meanwhile, she saw Chris getting up and rubbing his eyes again.

“Are you ok?” She asked him.

“Yeah…” He smiled shyly at her. “I am just going to wash my face.” Chris pecked her quickly as he passed by her.

“Good evening.” She heard a voice and she looked at the door.

Ellie found a tall young man with a bag of the Chinese takeaway they had ordered. She could tell it was cold outside for the tip of his nose was cold red and so were his cheeks. His lips were a little purple and his glasses a bit blurred.

“This is your order: Meat with oysters sauce, spicy shrimp, two spring rolls and two doses of rice, right?” The boy asked, taking his glasses off his face.

“Yes, it is.” She nodded and then she grabbed her wallet from her purse that was on the hanger. “How much do I owe you?”

“That will be twenty-two dollars.” The boy responded.

Ellie grabbed thirty dollars and put it in his hand. “Keep the change.” She smiled.

“Thank you so much.” He told her with a genuine smile.

“Have a nice night.” Ellie told the boy that was already going down the stairs and then she closed the door gently.

Chris, who was coming back from the bathroom, grabbed the sac from her hands.

“Go sit at the table.” He told her and pecked her after.

“I can do this!” She protested holding onto his neck with a smile on her lips that made his heart flutter.

Chris smiled back at her and bent over her to place two quick kisses on her puffy cherry lips and then smiled down at her again. That adorable smirk that made her heart skip a bit since the first time she saw him.

“I know you can…” He pinched her nose lightly. “… I just don’t want you to.”

“But…” She was about to say something, but he began to walk away with the sac in his hands and then pointed bossily at the table. “Alright…” She rolled her eyes and started walking calmly to the dining table.

“Don’t you roll your eyes at me.” He told her while searching for plates in their cupboard.

“How do you even know that?” She laughed looking at him. “You weren’t even looking!”

“I know what you do when I tell you to do something.” He replied putting two plates on the counter and taking a quick glance at her.

“Ah…” She pointed out. “So, you know when you are being bossy.” Ellie teased him.

When she got near the table, she took the flowery center away and then she sat. Chris began to bring everything to set the table.

“I am only bossy when I have my reasons.” He smirked as he put the table cloth on the table.

“Right.” Ellie smirked looking at him.

Chris smiled and then went to grab the plates and cups from the counter. Ellie watched his tall and tone frame reach for the ceramic and then turning around to come back. Her elbow resting on the table and her chin resting on her hand. Chris smiled at her as he turned around, noticing her glittering glare and soft smile on her lips.

“Cat got your tongue?” He teased a little more as she had fallen silent.

“No… I was just watching you.” She responded. 

Chris put a plate and a cup in front of her and then the other at his place. Then, he rested his hands on the table near her and bend over her face. Ellie raised her head an inch to reach his lips and a slow wet smooch was shared.

“Are you really fine?” She asked him, looking in his blue gaze. Chris nodded.

“I am, my love.” He pecked her and then caressed her face. “There are no signs of it anymore.”

“I love it when you call me like that.” She told him. 

Chris noticed how her eyes sparkled as she pierced his blue gaze with hers as she said these words to him and pecked her one more time, lingering for a few seconds and then pulled away.

“You are my love.” He affirmed, walking away.

He grabbed the rest of the stuff from the counter and came back with his hands full. He put the sac with the food on the table and then distributed the cutlery and the napkins. Done, he sat in front of her as usual and began to take the boxes out of the sac.

“It’s beautiful outside.” Ellie commented as she watched their view.

Chris looked outside too, to acknowledge what she was seeing and he knew she meant the moon and the starry sky. Ellie loved to watch the sky and the stars and that’s when he thought it was the perfect moment to bring the subject up. He looked back at her.

“You know what I thought about today.” Chris told her. Ellie turned her head to look at him. “I was thinking that we could get a new house.” He told her opening the pack with her meat and putting it in front of her.

“You want to move out?” She asked him rather surprised.

Chris shrugged. “We both like nature and I sure would like a bit more of privacy…” He looked outside. “I like the park we have in front of our building but I don’t like these buildings I can see across the park. We can get a much starrier sky if we live in the middle of nature.”

“Wow…” She exclaimed. “You really thought about this.”

“I have.” Chris told her. “I think it would be good for us to get away from the city and get a cozy place near a beach that we both love… maybe near a lake… I don’t know. There are so many places we love.”

“I work downtown…” Ellie breathed.

“There are wonderful places at the distance of a Ferry.” He argued. “Think about it. Please…”

Ellie studied his face for a few seconds, even when Chris looked down at his plate to pick up some food with his fork. This was the same thing he had talked about in the hospital but put in other words and in a lighter way. A way that served them both. 

“You want to get away from the city.” Ellie concluded and Chris shrugged.

“I thought that is what I just told you.” He smiled.

“No…” Ellie shook her head and rested her fork and knife on her plate. “You want to go away. This has to do with the conversation in the hospital. To go away…”

“Maybe.” He said vaguely.  
“Maybe?” Ellie repeated his words. “Chris, come on…” 

“I need to clear my head, babe.” Chris confessed. “I feel like the city is really smothering me. Everything is turning fuzzy and I don’t know… ugly… all these demands. All these rules. I want to go to somewhere where I can be away from all this so my head can take a break once in a while.” Ellie stayed silent looking at him and Chris stared back at her. “At least think about it…” He asked a minute later unsure of what she was thinking. His eyes searching for hers passionately. 

“We have a baby coming. Is it the best time to move? You are going away…” Ellie asked though. “I am not saying no… I am just bringing up questions…”

Chris nodded. “You can look for some places while I am away and then we decide when I come back.”

“I wish I could understand better what is on your mind. You know I’ll go anywhere you ask me to. So, if you say you need to go live somewhere away from the city, then ok.” Ellie nodded. “We will search for a place that we can afford and that we both like.”

He reached out for her hand. “Thank you, babe.”

“Chris, do you think you need to see a doctor?” She asked him while their fingers intertwined tenderly.

He looked at her for brief instants and then shook his head. He put a shrimp in his mouth with his free hand and shook his head again.

“I don’t think so.” He responded after.

“You say you have been having these attacks again… I don’t know… maybe we should search for help again. I go with you. You know that.” She insisted. “You are not alone… you have me… you will always have me…”

“I don’t think it is needed.” He looked at her while sipping on his beer. “It’s not like it’s worse than before. Maybe I am agitated. I am agitated…” He corrected himself right after.   
“They are going to put me on medication… I don’t want to.”

“It would help.” Ellie said.

“Let me try to do this the way I think it will help, alright?” She nodded. “I need a quiet place where nothing else exists but us. That is all I need.”

“Ok, babe.” Ellie agreed. “If you think that’s what you need then, yes.”

After dinner, Chris allowed Ellie to help him put some order in the kitchen and adjust the dining table. Sitting on a bench, she would put the cutlery inside the dish machine while he passed it on to her. It was a nice way for her to help and not feeling as if she was putting all the work on his shoulders. She knew he was having a hard time and maybe driving him to exhaustion wouldn’t do him any good. At that point, she felt she was being another burden, for he also had to take care of her and he worried too much, so she hoped that two weeks was exactly the time needed for her to come back to a normal life and free him of some preoccupation. When they were done with the kitchen, they turned the light off and went to the couch. Chris sat and then raised an arm so she could snuggle with him.

“What do you wanna watch?” He asked kissing the top of her head as she leaned against his chest.

“I don’t know if I am able to watch anything.” She told him. “I am feeling so sleepy.” Ellie giggled. She felt his hand run over her hair and his lips touching the crown of her head again.

“My girl is sleepy?” He asked tenderly.

“Very…” Ellie nodded.

“Do you wanna go to bed?” He asked her.

“Oh no…” She smiled. “I want to be here with you… like this…” Ellie snuggled better against him, making him giggle low.

“Close your eyes then.” He whispered near her ear and then placed two soft kisses on her temple and wrapped his arm around her tighter.

Chris zapped through the channels trying to find something that would interest him, while he felt Ellie falling deep asleep. Not finding anything interesting, he turned off the TV and grabbed his notebook and a pen. Chris opened it and put it on the arm of the couch and began to write down words that were coming up to his mind. Sometimes, he’d look down at Ellie for a few seconds and sink in her sleeping figure. She looked so peaceful sleeping in his arms that he smiled for a few seconds, then he started writing again. He knew he was laying down disperse words only and a couple of sentences but it was coming from deep inside him and he would make something out of it. Chris was always writing. It didn’t matter if it was going to be a song or not, sometimes it was only a poem or random thoughts. When he met Ellie and then fell in love with her, he filled a couple of notebooks with thoughts he wrote only about her. Later, he let her have it and she kept all of his journals near her most loved belongings.

The house was deeply silent. Nothing could be heard, not even in the building they lived in. No one could be heard in the stairs and even outside, as he took a quick glance at the window. It seemed like the world had fallen into a deep but most appreciated quietness. Just as he smiled in contentment, the doorbell rang loudly, making both him and Ellie jump as it scared them.

“What the hell?” He protested while Ellie sat and rubbed her eyes.

“What time is it?” She asked.

“Nine o’clock.” He said getting up while Ellie stretched up her arms trying to shake he laziness away.

“I thought it was later.” She told him looking back, watching him approach the door.

“Who is it?” He asked on the inter communicator.

“CJ?” He heard and curled an eyebrow.

“Pete?” He asked rather surprised. 

“Yeah…” His brother responded and he immediately opened the door.

Then, he looked at Ellie. “It’s my brother.” Chris sounded surprised. “What is he doing here?”

“Oh… I am in my pajama.” She rolled her eyes and he smiled.

“The delivery guy saw you in your pajama.” He mocked her, opening the door of the apartment. “It’s ok, babe. It’s decent.” 

“But I don’t know him.” She argued. “So, I don’t care.”

“Your pajama is fine.” Chris assured her.

Ellie looked down at herself and shrugged. “Well…” When she raised her eyes to look at Chris again, he was smirking. “What?” She smiled at him.

“You are going to change to something sexier when we go to bed though.” He told her which caused Ellie to giggle.

“What for?” She shrugged.

“How come what for?” He protested but smiling. “For me!”

“Brother!” Peter exclaimed as he saw him waiting for him at the door and their conversation came to end. “I haven’t seen you in a while. You haven’t showed up these days and I got worried.”

“Well…” Chris smiled. “I am fine.” He told him straying from the door to give him space to enter.

As Peter entered their living room, he saw Ellie sitting on the couch and a wide smile formed on his lips.

“Ellie!” He exclaimed going to her in a hasty pace. “How have you been?” He asked and Ellie got up to receive his hug as he opened his arms. They hugged tightly.

“I am so sorry I am in my pajama…” She excused herself.

“Now I know why you disappeared.” Peter smiled at his brother as Chris approached them with his unique shy smile on his lips.

“I am sorry I didn’t look for you, but we have been…” Peter didn’t let him finish.

“It’s ok… I understand.” Peter said. “I am so happy for you guys.” He added looking at them, one at the time. “Really…” Then, he tapped Chris’s shoulder and winked.

“Ellie…” Chris looked at her. “You better sit.”

“Yes, sir!” She joked and he smiled.

“Do you want to have a beer?” Chris offered, turning to Peter.

“Sure.” Peter nodded.

“Sit.” Ellie told him and he sat by her side.

“Babe?” Chris called and Ellie peeked over Peter’s shoulder. “Want anything?”

“A beer too.” She grinned.

“Very funny.” He smirked. “A juice?”

“Orange.” She told him.

“Am I missing something here?” Peter curled an eyebrow. “Why can’t Ellie have a beer?” He turned to Chris who was arriving with their beverages.

“Chris…” Ellie called him and signaled him to tell his brother the news.

“Right…” He cleared his throat while handing Peter his beer. “Ellie is pregnant.” He said and turning to her to give her the orange juice.

“What?” Peter asked looking at them. His eyes went back and forth from Ellie to Chris and from Chris to Ellie. “What did you just say?”

Chris sat on the carpet in front of Peter, pulled is legs up and supported his arms on his knees. His beer on his right hand.

“I said that Ellie is pregnant. We are going to have a baby. You are going to be an uncle.” He added in the end.

“Oh my God!” Peter almost yelled. “But…” He stuttered. “You guys were not together…”

Ellie nodded. “I am ten weeks pregnant.”

“So, this is it…” Chris shrugged. “I guess…”

“You guess?” Peter got up smiling and then tapped strongly on his back. “You are going to be a father, CJ!” He exclaimed. “I am going to have a baby niece or nephew… that is some fucking amazing news. Congratulations to you both…” He kissed Chris on the top of his head and then he went to kiss Ellie’s cheek. “Really… this is so amazing. I am so happy for you both.” Then, he turned to Chris. “You have to tell mom.” He said in a more serious tone.

The room fell silent that moment. Ellie looked at Chris and his eyes searched for hers too. They had had that conversation. Then, Chris turned his head to look at his brother.

“Why don’t you tell her?” He said instead. Ellie took a deep breath but decided to say nothing.

Peter sat back on the couch and looked in his brother’s eyes. “You should be the one telling her that. It’s your child. She is going to be a grandmother. It’s a huge thing.”

“You know how things are weird.” Chris shook his head.

“Because you don’t let mom in.” Peter said. 

Ellie just heard them talking and sipped on her juice quietly. Her eyes set on Chris, studying every single reaction. He was tense and nervous. He had that little furrow between his eyebrows that let her know so. Deep inside, she knew Peter was right, but she also knew that Chris tried it but he didn’t seem to accomplish it. Something deep inside forbid him to let his mother get close and fully be his mom.

“Chris…” Peter called him as Chris had fallen silent. 

He had recoiled to his own mind’s space that was very hard to get into. Still, he raised his eyes to look at his older brother.

“It’s your child. You should be the one telling her. She loves you, brother!” Peter insisted.

Chris smiled bitterly. “Right… she does…” He nodded and then gulped on his beer. Then, he got up and walked until the window, giving them his back.

“I think…” Peter was going to add something, but Ellie held his hand and he looked at her and she shook her head, letting him know it was enough. It would not be good to insist. Chris was already uncomfortable. He nodded at her, understanding her gesture. “Well… I am really happy for you both.” Peter got up and put his empty bottle on the coffee table. “I am leaving you two alone now. I just came to check on Chris.”

“You don’t have to go.” Ellie told him.

“Pete…” Chris turned around to look at his brother. “I am sorry…” He said. “I don’t want you to go… I am sorry for my reaction.”

“It’s ok.” Peter smiled at him. “I am not mad at you. I just want to leave you alone. I think you two have a lot to catch up…”

Chris approached him and tapped his arm. “Thanks for stopping by. For caring…”

“I love you, my brother.” Peter told him. 

“I love you too.” Chris smiled. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay a little longer? We don’t mind…” Chris said so looking at Ellie.

“Not at all.” Ellie added.

“No.” He responded firmly and then walked up to the door. Chris followed him. “Good night, Ellie.”

“Good night.” She said.

Chis opened the door and Peter stopped in front of him. He just looked in Chris’s eyes and smiled and then tapped his shoulder in support.

“I’m fine.” Chris told him.

“Good night, brother.” Peter said walking away.

“I’ll stop by the restaurant tomorrow.” Chris still said.

Then, he closed the door and locked it. When he turned around, he found Ellie looking at him. Her gray eyes were following his every move until he sat down by her side.

“Stop looking at me like that.” He asked her. “I know what you are thinking.”

“Which is?” She asked him.

“That my brother is right…” He sighed. “Ellie, please…. Let’s not go through this again.”

“I am not saying anything.” She told him.

“You don’t have to.” He argued. “It’s written all over your face. You agree with him and we had this same conversation…”

“He is right.” Ellie affirmed. “I know this is not what you want to hear, but he is right.”

“Not now… not today…” He looked in her eyes with a pleading glare. She nodded.

“How about Bainbridge Island?” She asked out of the blue and Chris curled an eyebrow at the sudden changed of subject.

“What about it?” She shrugged lightly. “I don’t get it…” For a moment he was lost.

“To move… to get out of town…” She then smiled. “It has some wonderful spots near the beach and woods and it’s easy to commute because of the ferry…”

He smiled there. “It has some beautiful places indeed. We like it there.”

“I just thought it could be a nice place to live.”

Chris dragged his body over the couch to be nearer her. Then, he cupped her face within his hands and pressed his lips against hers softly, lingering for a while.

“Thanks.” He whispered resting his forehead against hers after the kiss.

“You are all that matters.” She responded. “Well… and this tiny thing we made that is growing inside of me.”

Chris giggled there. A hand left her face and rested on her belly and his eyes fixed on the little bump she had there. He smiled so sweetly that she felt her heart skipping a beat at his tenderness.

“We were living our worst time ever and yet we were gifted with a baby…” He recalled. “Everything happens for a reason. Though I wish that stupid girl would never exist.”

“Let’s not talk about that.” Ellie asked him.

“No.” He whispered. “You’re right.”

“Wanna go to bed?” Ellie asked him and pecked him after.

“It’s still early.”

“But we can cuddle… and talk…” She pecked him again.

“Change that pajama.” He chuckled.

“I promise.” Ellie laughed too.

“Let’s go then.” Chris got up.

He then approached Ellie and grabbed her in his arms, which caused her to crack a laughter and he giggled.

“Chris!” She pretended she protested while he carried her to the bedroom.

“Don’t complain!” He laughed.

“I am not…” She told him beginning to nibble on his neck. His skin spewing in goosebumps as she did so.

“That is low.” He giggled feeling her lips caressing every sensitive spot she knew.

“You like it Christopher.” She raised her face to look in his eyes.

“Christopher, uh?” He smirked as he entered the door of their bedroom. “In other time I knew how this Christopher thing was going to end up…” He kissed her lips.

“Yeah?” She teased him looking in the blue of his eyes.

Chris lied her down on the bed and then crawled on top of her and stayed on his fours looking down at her face.

“It hasn’t been that long.” He winked.

Ellie stretched an arm and tugged her hand behind his neck, pulling him down on her. Immediately, his lips searched for hers and his black curly hair fell all over her face. First they shared tiny wet kisses and then they shared a long kiss that involved a playful and blazed encounter between their tongues. Meanwhile, Chris let his body fall on the bed by her side for he knew her ribs were hurt and Ellie turned on her side to curl a leg around him.

“Ellie…” He breathed into her mouth.

“This is so frustrating.” She responded. Ellie was dying of desire for him and there was nothing she could do.

Their lips united again. The lust was felt by the way the kiss had turned turbulent and a little harsh but in a good sense. Their tongues seemed more like they were fighting with one another and their hands began to travel along their bodies. Ellie felt Chris’s hand dig under the shirt of her pajama, running from her belly up her breasts and she moaned into his mouth as he carefully played with her sore nipple.

“We need to stop.” He said pulling away abruptly.

Instead, Ellie took a hand to his chest and made him lie completely flat on the bed. Then, she got on her knees and pulled her shirt off her head, throwing it away from her. It landed randomly on the floor near the window.

“Ellie…” His voice choked a little. “What are you doing?”

She sat on him, right on his erection. “Getting the most of what we can actually do.” She smiled.

Ellie grabbed the end of his shirt and began to pull it up, when it reached his torso, she bent over him and began to kiss him, playing with the tip of her tongue around his nipples. Chris yanked his shirt off and let it fall on the floor right by his side. As she kissed her way down, his respiration became heavier, and while she spread kisses along his stomach she couldn’t but smile as she noticed how it came up and down so fast already.

“Getting really excited, are we?” She played looking up at him.

“Babe…” He smiled. “You don’t have to…”

“You’re right.” She placed a kiss on his navel and then looked up again. “I don’t have to… I want to….” She continued to kiss her way down until her lips met the waist of his shorts.

Ellie tugged her thumbs on it and began to pull his shorts down. Chris raised his hips of the bed so she was able to do it and she pulled it down until his knees. Then, she bent over him one more time and placed a kiss on his belly.

“I love it that you wear nothing under these shorts, Chris…” She groaned against his skin, which made him chuckle.

“It turns you on?” He caressed her hair with the tip of his fingers.

“Uh… uh…” Ellie responded entertained spreading kisses along his abs.

After, she looked up at him and smiled, and grabbed his fully erected member in her hand. Ellie began to work on him, letting her hand push up and down gently. Chris started breathing even more heavily, loving the feel of her strong, firm grip touching his cock. He closed his eyes and threw his head back as the pleasure began to engulf him and a moment later, he felt her mouth wrapping around his shaft. Ellie started by twirling her tongue around and around the head in slow teasing moves.

“Holy shit…” Chris breathed. 

Ellie was feeling his body jerking as she caressed him. Then, she slapped at the underside with her tongue, using her hand to thrust the base. 

“Oh Ellie…” He wailed as she began to suck harder and faster. 

Ellie created incredible suction. He never taught her what he liked but Ellie had been wonderful since the beginning, when they started having sex. She had been fast at catching what he liked and how he liked it, and with time she only perfected it, driving him insane beyond words. She then swallowed half of his cock, the head settling at the back of her throat where she would further stimulate him by swallowing. Her throat clasping and caressing every millimeter of his oversensitive head. 

“Fuck…” He moaned the special moan she had been waiting for. The one that let her know he is in complete delight by the way he drags the word and his back arching a little as he did so. “Oh fuck, yes…” He clenched his jaw feeling intense pleasure.

Then, she sucked him strongly with her mouth, slowly pulling off his throbbing shaft while she still worked on him with her hand. It felt like she was sucking his cum directly from his balls. It was feeling phenomenal. Chris threw his head back in pure ecstasy.

“Oh Ellie…” He gasped. 

There, Ellie began to adjust the speed of her sucking. She began to altern between pulling off until she was only sucking at the head and swirling her tongue around his gland. At the same time, she stroked his length with that extraordinary firm grip. Her saliva dripping down his cock was making her hand slid so incredibly well and easy.

“Fuck… you are driving me insane.” He told her.

Ellie smiled still with his dick inside her mouth, then she returned to bob up and down in short moves, swallowing half of his member and sucking at the tip. Chris was shaking all over. Suddenly, she plunged all the way down until his head went into her throat again. She swallowed him rhythmically. At the same time, she began to caress his balls gently, before slowly pulling off and using her incredible suction again.

“Oh, my fucking God.” Chris tensed and moaned out loud. He felt himself getting close to explode. “El…” He called her trying to warn her.

“I am going to come, Ellie.” He gasped, feeling his member throb almost uncontrollably. Ellie twirled and sucked repeatedly. “Oh fuck, don’t stop…” Chris let out as she sped up and pumped her mouth over him. “Like that sweetheart… oh fuck yes…” He moaned unable to contain it inside anymore.

Ellie knew he was ready to come. He was in need to come for his erection was pounding in her hand and mouth. He was dripping precum intensely and she continued sucking and twirling and down throating him. 

“Oh Fuck…” He groaned as he started to come the next minute. “El…” He grunted feeling his whole-body tense. He held onto the sheets, gripping his hands firmly around it. His vision got completely clouded. “Yes… oh shit… yes…” He moaned as Ellie kept draining him of every drop of cum still inside, until his cock head was so sensitive that he couldn't bear it anymore. “I can’t no more…” He warned her, feeling his body quiver from head to toe.

Ellie slowly pulled her mouth off and looked at him in the eye. His chest was coming up and down quite fast as he was gasping for air. His eyes contrived and a dark blue had taken over his iris. One of his hands rested on his chest as it came up and down so fast. Ellie smiled and he gave her a worn-out smile that made her heart speed. He always looked so lovely after an orgasm that she only wanted to start all over again, but she wouldn’t. Instead, playfully, she opened her mouth and threw her tongue out to show him how she had swallowed it all. 

“God, babe...” He said still a little lost and pulling her up to him by her chin. Ellie crawled over him until she reached his lips. They shared a long tongue kiss. “And now what?” He asked against her lips. 

“Now we go to sleep.” She giggled. “I think you are worn out sufficiently to sleep like a baby.”

“I miss you though…” He pulled her hair away from her face with both hand and then held it back so he could have a perfect view of her dolly face. “You know… being with you…”

“I miss that too.” She kissed his lips. “I swear I do, Chris. I think you might have to take a few days off after the doctor give us the green card.”

Chris began to laugh loud. “I am feeling a little pressured now!”

Ellie went to her side of the bed and looked at him. “Oh… I know you well Christopher Cornell. Don’t play the quiet boy with me. You only fooled me once… the first time we did it.”

Chris turned on his side and rested his chin on his hand. “At the backseat of my brother’s car.” Chris cracked a laughter.

“I assume Peter never knew about it.” Ellie giggled.

“No.” He bent over her naked breasts and sucked lightly on her left nipple, making her close her eyes at the touch of his lips. “These are really round and bigger and...” He smiled at her.

“Get your mind out of the gutter.” She taped his forehead lightly and Chris laughed.

“They are calling for my attention!” He exclaimed.

“Let’s sleep?” She asked him.

“First…” He said getting out of the bed and pulling his shorts up. “A sexy pajama.” He said going for the chest drawer.

“What do you have in mind?” She sat on the bed smirking.

“This.” He said showing her the black lace night gown that reached jus bellow her ass. “I love this one.”

“Threw it here.” She said and he did so. 

Ellie slid it over her head and then adjusted it and then she took off the pajama pants.

“Better?” She asked as he slid under the sheets.

“A lot better.” He kissed her lips. “I love you sweet girl.”

“I love you too my wild boy.”


End file.
